Stream of Unconsciousness...

Down 'n Dirty (and lost in the backwoods)

2010-03-06T12:01:00.004-05:00

Boomer and I got lost yesterday while going to work in Dawsonville a different way. I had taken part of the day off to do a job interview, as well as to view a few prospects for properties and house mates for my move back to Kennesaw.

Into TomTom I plug in my work address, since I was arriving from a different point of origin than I usually do.

The planned route took me on a beautiful scenic view of the snow-covered mountain roads of Jasper, GA. Coming out of the mountain curves, I was taken past several farms, and even an old Tyson chicken farm!

Not one mile from my destination, the road turned to gravel. Slightly peculiar, but that didn't cause me to worry, since I had never really traveled down the roads on the OTHER side of the restaurant.

"You have reached your destination." chimes the TomTom. As I take a quick look around, there is a barn on one side of the road and a cow pasture on the other. It's apparent that something was amiss.

Seeing that I was still on the right road, I decided to venture a little bit further.

Then the road drops off.

Boomer stops in her tracks, pausing at the end of the asphalt. Chugging quietly, she hesitates, looking over the unpaved mud and snow-covered trail, apparently pondering whether or not the trail ahead holds any dangers she can't handle.

Onward we trek, padding through the light snowfall, taking great care to avoid any hazards that the ill-equipped SUV might trip over. As the snow gets a little deeper, I speed up, hoping that my quicker pace will avoid our getting stuck.

The path takes a turn for the worse, as we cross deep ruts that can only be explained by the lumbering tromp of a logging truck. Faster!

Boomer whines, and it's clear to me now that this is not going to be getting any better. But my fear is that I would most CERTAINLY get stuck if I were to stop and try to double-back. FASTER!

Boomer and I are now screaming down the trail, bouncing across the truck ruts and splashing through deep mud puddles, dodging the deeper ruts as best we could, shooting out plumes of mud across both sides of the car, and the both of us wondering what to do if we were to get stuck.

We didn't have to wonder for long.

Still chugging along at a good clip we came to a hitch in our brashly-hashed plan. Not far ahead was a hill, covered in an almost serene, pristinely-spread powder. Don't stop. If nothing else was going to get me up that hill, it was going to be momentum.

As we plow up the hill, we drastically lose our speed, coming to a halt nearly immediately. This is quite obviously the end of our trek.

Backing down the hill, I try to maneuver down the trail, only to realize that my own ruts have made it increasingly harder to control my direction. BOOMP! Right into the brush. Trying to pull back forwards, I have no traction. 'I hope that brush isn't too thick', I think to myself, as I crank the wheel hard to the left and back straight over the bush. CLUNK. Thank goodness for the underbody protection.

As I back up, I whip the wheel around the other direction and spin the nose around in a spray of mud. It wasn't much longer until Boomer got bogged down in a rut that she, herself, made on the way up. I dropped her into 1st gear, and the tires spun instantly. I tried to be easier on the throttle, but it was still too much. I then started her in 2nd, figuring that I could ease out if I didn't have so much torque. Revved to 1100RPMs...1200...1300...1400....instant wheelspin.

Running out of ideas, I tried rocking the car, only to end up getting stuck deeper in the mud. To make things worse, I was smelling burning rubber from my tires. I can't imagine wonderful things were happening under the hood, either.

In a last ditch (haha) effort, I tried one last time to get out of the rut by rocking the car with the wheels turned. With a healthy rev and a sling of mud across the hood, it was just BARELY enough traction for Boomer to pull loose!

We tore off back the way we came, even faster than before, bouncing, splashing and howling all the way back, not concerned about avoiding ditches, only thinking about keeping up enough speed to get back to the paved road.

With a brief tire squeal, Boomer's tires found purchase on the edge of the asphalt as we climbed out of the mud bog.

I stopped in the middle of the road, and got out to check that I hadn't caused any serious damage. Boomer was dirty from bonnet-to-boot, but she hadn't suffered any visible damage.

Slightly white-knuckled as I got back behind the wheel, I looked at the mud that somehow made it's way into my car on both sides, apparently getting past the rubber door seals and resting in a small puddle at my feet.

A peculiar vibration shuddered slightly though the car as we motored down the road, almost as if Boomer HERSELF was trembling after the ordeal, something that she was most certainly NOT built for. We must have knocked a wheel balance loose in our hasty attempt at an escape.

And so starts our vendetta against TomTom and his TomTom-foolery...

Random Question #15

2010-02-21T17:31:00.001-05:00

I see that you are an audio and video engineer. Did you go to school for that? My best friend went to college to become a Recording Engineer. If you went to school, where did you go? by uniquemunchkin

Haha, school? Nah. Not unless you count working on the Casablanca and a 4-channel Mackie in 6th grade! haha!

No, really, though. This is a hobby that I enjoy for local venues. I can find my way around nearly any form of live-production audio and video equipment, no matter the setup and arrangement. It's an innate skill that I have.

I've not taken any profitable advantage of this skill (though I've thought about it as a side-gig), as it's really simmering on the back-burner in my priorities, with my undergrad in Computer Information Systems at the forefront of my mind.

But all this said, I've got a great deal of skills that I feel that I could bank on, if I were to divert my attentions in that direction. And I may act upon it at some time or another, but for now, it's something that I've not taken as seriously as some other pursuits in my life. :)

Today's Question #1

2010-01-27T21:15:00.004-05:00

So, I know that I've been pretty inconsistent with my blogging lately, so I've devised a new form of content for your entertainment!

ASK ME A QUESTION in the comments area (anonymously, if you need to), and I'll post an answer to it in a following post! Here's the first of questions that have already been asked!

QUESTION OF THE DAY:

I see that you are an audio and video engineer. Did you go to school for that? My best friend went to college to become a Recording Engineer. If you went to school, where did you go? by uniquemunchkin

Haha, school? Nah. Not unless you count working on the Casablanca and a 4-channel Mackie in 6th grade! haha!

No, really, though. This is a hobby that I enjoy for local venues. I can find my way around nearly any form of live-production audio and video equipment, no matter the setup and arrangement. It's an innate skill that I have.

I've not taken any profitable advantage of this skill (though I've thought about it as a side-gig), as it's really simmering on the back-burner in my priorities, with my undergrad in Computer Information Systems at the forefront of my mind.

But all this said, I've got a great deal of skills that I feel that I could bank on, if I were to divert my attentions in that direction. And I may act upon it at some time or another, but for now, it's something that I've not taken as seriously as some other pursuits in my life. :)

Asian Kid Playing the Uke... (video)

2009-12-27T16:40:00.004-05:00

Wow, I absolutely HAD to post this! It's totally cute, and for some reason makes me think of what one of my cousins might've been like at this age (yup, Philip, that's you, haha).

Watch and enjoy!

"Boomer, The Red-Nosed Honda" ♫♫♫

2009-11-23T14:58:00.006-05:00

Boomer, the Red-Nosed Honda,

Had a very shiny nose

And if you ever drove her

Even you would say, "She GOES!"

All of the other Hondas

Used to laugh and call her names

They never let poor Boomer

Join in Honda racing games

Then one cloudy springtime day

Scotty came to say

Boomer with your nose so bright

Won't you be my date tonight?

Then, oh, how Boomer loved him

And she shouted out, "Beep! Beep!"

"Boomer the Red-Nosed Honda

Now you're coming home with me!"

Happy 'Ween!

2009-10-31T22:03:00.005-04:00

Happy 'Ween, Everybloody!

Normally, I'd think to save this post to tell you all the hilarious things that happened at the "Wacky Wexel 'Ween" party I went to last night, but some other things happened that night that I feel might be more enjoyable to tell you. But first....

....THIS is my costume! "The Shadow of Myself".

And nope, it's not paint. It's Spandex. Full-body Spandex. Which makes this story all the more enjoyable to tell you. Since the only detachable portion of my costume is the facemask. You'll find out why very soon.

So, putting on the my costume took a little more effort than I had thought it would. Kinda like putting on a full-body sock. In any case, thank goodness that my costume didn't have any "toes", just footies.

Next, I carefully placed all of my fingers into the left "glove" of the suit. Now, for those of you who haven't had first-hand experience with Spandex, there is one thing you need to know... Spandex is slippery. So what was the first problem I noticed? Pulling on the RIGHT-hand "glove"! (Of course, I guess, no matter what your gloves are made of, pulling on the second one is always harder).

Now comes the tricky part. The zipper. (Anyone who's worn a dress probably knows what I'm talking about already). The zipper started at the small of my back and went all the way to the nape of my neck. If I hadn't been just barely limber enough, i don't know what I would've done. In my mind's eye, I could just imagine myself walking over to my neighbor next door, and showing up half-naked and half-clad in Spandex, asking them to help me zip myself up.

Getting the rest of my clothes on wasn't too much of a hassle, and I gathered up my things and headed out the door. Fumbling with the keys, I finally pull out of the garage.

Next dilemma: I can't hold on to the steering wheel! Mind you, I've basically got on a single-piece bodysuit with non-removable Spandex gloves! And it's VERY hard to turn the steering wheel since I've got nearly no grip whatsoever! Well, thank the Lord for engineering ingenuity and spokes on a steering wheel, because that's the only way I would've been able to get out of the driveway without mowing down a tree.

Once I had completely re-learned driving with the steering wheel spokes, I thought it appropriate to find out from the party hosts if I needed to bring any food or [non-alcoholic] drinks for the party. As it turns out, they DID need a few extra 2-liter drinks for the party, so I took a pit-stop at Kroger.

Right about the time that I walked through the automatic doors, I was feeling extremely grateful that I had opted for the suit with a removable hood, otherwise, I might've attracted just a little more attention and strange looks than I already did.

It had been a while since I had been in Kroger, and it seemed that they decided to rearrange the entire store since I was last there, so I walked through nearly every aisle trying to figure out where the soft drinks were relocated to. After a few minutes, and half-a-dozen stares from worried mothers and their curious children, I finally found what I was looking for. Picking a cream soda and a raspberry ginger-ale from the top shelf, I nearly dropped them on my head as they both slipped out of my Spandex-coated grip and bounced in the aisle. Sheepishly, I picked them up and made my way to the registers.

As usual, I went to the self-checkout to make my purchase. after scanning and bagging my items, I fished out my wallet. "Please scan your Kroger Plus card now!" says the un-necessarily sedate female computer voice.

I fumbled with my wallet, digging for my card, which was peeking out right from right behind my expired health insurance card. I first tried bending my wallet, then poking at it with my pinky finger, and even biting the card to get it out. No luck.

I looked over at the guy behind the register. "Can you please help me?" I asked, just a little exasperated. The underpaid employee gave me a weird look, but came over anyways.

"Um, I can't grab my Kroger Plus card or my money." I said, sheepishly holding up my gloved hands. He gave me the "Take your gloves off, you idiot" look. "I can't take them off," I finally explained, "it's attached to the bodysuit."

So I can't take them off unless I get undressed! I thought to myself.

"Oh, um...okay." the kid says, doing a double-take at my Spandex-clad hands, then taking the wallet out of my useless hands. Scanning the Kroger Card, he stuffs it clumsily back into the wallet.

"Please select your method of payment!" says the autonomous female computer voice.

"Use the cash." I nod at the neatly tucked bills in the back of the wallet.

"Please insert coins into the coin acceptor, THEN insert bills into the bill acceptor!" says the voice. The kid feeds the bills with unbelievable efficiency, one after another, unlike so many other shoppers that get the bill acceptor jammed with their ignorance.

"Here you go." says the kid neutrally, handing me back my change, my receipt, and finally my wallet.

"Thank you for shopping at Kroger!" chimes the voice.

Christian Male Looking for a Roommate/Housemate in KENNESAW! Fall 2010!

2009-10-26T19:44:00.012-04:00

Hey, everyone!

Scott here, and I'm taking early action to get a roommate for the Fall of 2010! I'm planning on going back to school and I need to find a suitable rooming situation. Feel free to pass this around. Here's what I'm looking for:

1 to 3 other clean, trustworthy, and respectable guys

with exceptional character to share an apartment with

(preferably Christian)

A non-smoking and non-drinking atmosphere

A place that will be quiet at normal sleeping hours

(i.e. no crazy or unplanned parties)

MAXIMUM of $400/month/person, including utils.

I'd like to live within 10 minutes driving distance of the Kennesaw State University Campus, but I'm not picky about the actual apartment location or amenities.

If you are, or you KNOW SOMEONE, that fits these requirements and is seeking the same characteristics in their own roommate, please feel free to call me at 770.406.6105 or e-mail at scottbabraham@gmail.com.

hee.

2009-10-21T22:33:00.003-04:00

Found this picture. Made me chuckle. I share. Enjoy.

Affordable Computer Repairs!

2009-10-17T12:15:00.004-04:00

I realize that my poster doesn't give you any idea on how "affordable" my repair costs are, so here's the breakdown, real simple.

$30 for the first hour, and only $20 for each additional hour!

If you have any questions, please refer to the phone number on the above ad.

Sick as a pig...

2009-09-19T14:28:00.004-04:00

Some of you might already know about my recent misfortune of coming down with the swine flu. But for those of you that don't, here's the short version. I'm sick as a pig.

Thursday afternoon, I started having an agitating cough that no amount of water, cough meds, or milkshakes could hold back (Yes, I realize that the milkshake wasn't that great of an idea, but you've got to exhaust your possibilities). By the time I got off work later that evening, I nearly cough up a lung, at which point, I figure this might be something a little bit more serious than just an itch in the throat.

--sleeping--

Fast-forward to Friday morning at 4am:

Dang it. There's my lung in my lap.

"What the HECK am I supposed to do about that?" which actually sounded a bit more like "wha da eeck am eye fuppofed pu goo abow aat?" with the lung hanging out.

--sleeping--

At 8am, I'm in no better condition. I've now got a splitting headache. The sunlight isn't helping, either, since my blinds leave the top 1/4 of the window un-shaded. I manage to make it to the shower and I crank the steam up to full-force, giving me only the slightest bit of relief from the coughing. Add a dab of willpower, and a lot of vaseline, and my lung slipped back in with a messy plorp!

I called Dad's office, and I don't even think they knew it was me, since I could barely croak. Waiting on hold, I take a temperature reading: 101.2 degrees. That ain't good. My conversation with dad consisted of four words: "dad...sick...bring...drugs..." followed by a full bout of the hacking coughs.

--sleeping--

10am, I figure that it might be a pretty good idea that I let work know that I wouldn't be coming in today. Don't know how I did it, but I managed to call 5 of the managers and my boss, to assure them that I wasn't faking it.

Taking my temperature again, I find that it's risen to 103 degrees! Yeek! Now, to do something about that dang sunlight. Quick-rig with a portable wardrobe hanger with a comforter thrown over the top does the job quite nicely.

--skipping a lot of sleep and repetition--

Dad's finally home. One look at me and my 103.2 degree fever tells him the bad news without question. He steps towards me with a blister-pack of flu meds, and tosses it to me and pulls back before I can even reach out my hand to take them, just as you might do when feeding mice to a snake. For real?

--sleeping--

Over the last couple of hours, I've had a lot of time to think, as well as to devise methods of which to communicate with Dad as he won't come within 6 feet of me, and he can't read lips beyond 5 feet. In the last few hours, I've discovered a few more or less effective methods:

Texting him, even though he's only downstairs.

Tapping out Morse code on the wall.

Throwing precisely-aimed and inscribed rubber SuperBalls at my doorframe, hoping that the trajectory causes a perfect ricochet down the stairs.

Looking for Computer Donations in Atlanta-Area...

2009-09-10T20:18:00.006-04:00

Hey everyone! I'm sorry that I've not had much reader-worthy content as of late. I've had my attention diverted elsewhere for quite sometime. I have an odd request for those of my readers that are in the Atlanta-area.

I'm looking for ANY working or non-working computers in any age or form of disrepair. I'm doing experimentation with various server configurations, which require me to have a few other Windows machines for me to see results. I stress again, it doesn't matter if the machines are functional or not. They will be repaired, if necessary, and any personal data will be permanently erased.

(PLEASE NOTE: I will not be returning any donated machines. They will be forever lost in the abyss that is known as Scott's domain.)

I will take any form of computer. Laptop, Desktop or Server, Low-end or High-end. I won't need any cables for non-laptops, so don't worry if you don't have them. If you have the restoration CDs that came with the computer, that would be a plus, but not necessary.

If you're interested in donating a computer or computer parts, please give me a call at 770.406.6105. I would be more than happy to come and pick up the machines at your own convenience.

To All Non-Magical Folk...

2009-08-25T14:38:00.005-04:00

People are amazed when us computer folk are able to do our "computery thing" with such ease, fixing countless problems with seemingly no resources. But I swear, it's not magic. With the help of today's comic post at xkcd.com, I won't have to explain this any more. Enjoy.

Which Superhero Am I?

2009-08-10T17:18:00.003-04:00

Took this test, just for kicks. Got any thoughts on this? :oD Feel free to comment.

Your results:
You are Spider-Man

Spider-Man		75%
Superman		70%
The Flash		70%
Wonder Woman		60%
Supergirl		55%
Robin		55%
Hulk		50%
Green Lantern		50%
Catwoman		50%
Batman		30%
Iron Man		30%

You are intelligent, witty,
a bit geeky and have great
power and responsibility.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero am I?" quiz...

Apologies.

2009-08-07T16:05:00.005-04:00

I know that I owe you a post. I'm sorry. Job transition.

Do you still love me?

*snuggle*

Recruiting the "Scott Abraham"s of the World....

2009-07-24T02:34:00.007-04:00

Scott Abraham's of the World...Unite!

But for what?

Umm.... let me get back to you on that.

Okay, this is quite possibly one of the most RANDOM things that I have EVER done. Well, some of you might agree this is up there with

Five years ago, I started by trying to Google my own name. The first time I did this, it ended up something like Wesley Gibson from Wanted. I was a nobody. I found "Abraham" this and "Scott" that, but didn't have much luck coming up with anyone with the same name.

But this was YEARS ago....before Google even became well-known. If you were to Google the Boolean phrase "Scott Abraham", you'll now come up with some 173 THOUSAND HITS! (with about .009% of them being my own entries and sites).

So, this led me to try something else out. Facebook.

Back in the beginning, Facebook was limited use to only students in recognized universities and students with school e-mail addresses. Back then, you keyed in "Scott Abraham" and you only got one hit. Me. Today, with Facebook now open to anyone, you get over 400 hits, with at least 50 people that have "Scott" and "Abraham" as their first and last name!

Never did I think that I had such a common name! Granted, it's no competition for "Jane Smith", "John Q." or "Coco Chanel"(don't ask), but still, it's a LOT more frequent than I previously believed.

So, what am I to do about this? Make a Facebook group about this, naturally! For what purpose? Well, I'm not sure, but the day may come when the Scott Abrahams of the world will have to unite together, joining forces to create an unstoppable talisman of power to save the world from the forces of evil!!! Or maybe we'll take a turn for the worse, abusing our unlimited power...

Or just steal the world's supply of Cheetos.

LINK: "Scott Abraham, I am..."

Celebrating the unity of the Scott Abrahams across the planet,

as well as the things that make us unique!

How to Save a Life...

2009-07-20T19:11:00.006-04:00

Traffic was jammed up on Hwy 124 earlier than usual, starting at about 3 o'clock. I was running some errands, buying some essentials [that I now realize I completely forgot about]. Not having to be anywhere, I wasn't in a rush.

Coming up on a jammed intersection at Tree Lane, I decided to hold back at the traffic light, letting the intersection clear up. There wasn't enough space on the other side, and knowing that the light would soon turn red, I didn't want to be the idiot left in the middle, blocking the traffic flow.

Sure enough, the light turns red, and there is one overly-ambitious motorist that shot into the intersection at the last minute. "And NOW it's time to play our FAVORITE childhood game...Degenerate-homosapien-in-the-middle!" as the cars from the adjacent road honk and try to squeeze past the inconsiderate driver.

Finally, the intersection gets cleared. As I'm waiting for the light to turn green, I see a glint of orange off to my right. What was that? I look over to see nothing but Boomer's blue brother (another Honda Element).

Then I see it.

Bright orange flames were licking out from the underside of the car, a liquid of some sort dripping to the ground, and smoke collecting under the hood. The older gentleman in the driver's seat doesn't seem to notice, as there is a breeze carrying the smoke away from the car.

Quick thinking, I pull through the red light, whip out in front of his car (not moving), blocking his lane of travel. I honk at the unaware driver, who is initially confused until I open up my window, yelling and waving at him to "GET OUT OF THE CAR! IT'S ON FIRE!!!!"

The sprightly old man gets out of his car and takes a quick glance to determine the origin of the flame. I then move my car out of the road and stop on a curb, getting out to check that the man is okay (traffic is still moving).

By the time I get to him, he's already retrieved a towel from the trunk and is on the ground next to his car, whipping at the flames!

"It's okay! It's okay!" he says to me. I'm still not understanding why he's fighting a car fire with a towel.

"It's not gas!" he says, still going at the now-diminishing flames, ash flying out from under the car.

As it turns out, there was some kind of brush or foliage stuck under the car, sitting right on top of the catalytic converter, and consequently combusted under the high heat generated by the car's exhaust.

The man then crawls out from being nearly under the car. "Thank you SO much!" he says, hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath.

"I smelled something, but I didn't know what it was or where it was coming from! I'm just glad you caught it when you did! If you hadn't stopped me, it could've quite easily turned into something MUCH worse!"

He popped the hood, motioning for the traffic to go around him. Then, assuring me that he would be okay, he thanked me again, and I was on my way.

Keep Tabs on Your Monkey...

2009-07-18T23:28:00.006-04:00

This is what happens when you let your monkey out of sight for even a single minute. He's downloading "Planet of the Apes" in HD on iTunes, chatting up with Curious George and his friends, buying a 14-lb case of banana chips, AND stealing my DailyBooth.com snapshot opportunity!

AAAGH!!!!

WHY am I STILL awake?

2009-07-13T05:49:00.001-04:00

Available for Atlanta-Area Computer Repairs!

2009-07-06T18:00:00.011-04:00

OLD BLOG ENTRY: "Same World, New Adventures..."

2009-07-02T21:29:00.002-04:00

I found this entry on my old blog, and I just couldn't let it die.

MAY 19, 2008

For months, I’ve been hearing about this “geek sport” called geocaching. Since I recently purchased a TomTom, I’ve really been getting interested in the concept.

“What is geocaching?”

Geocaching is an outdoor treasure-hunting game in which the participants use a Global Positioning System (GPS) receiver or other navigational techniques to hide and seek containers (called "geocaches" or "caches") anywhere in the world. A typical cache is a small waterproof container containing a logbook and "treasure," usually toys or trinkets of little value. Today, well over 650,000 geocaches are registered on various websites devoted to the pastime. Geocaches are currently placed in over 100 countries around the world and on all seven continents, including Antarctica. (Wikipedia)

Well, today, i finally went on my first mini-trek. As shocking as it may [not] sound, I was not exactly ready to get dirty, running through the woods, trying to find a cache as small as a 35mm film canister. Anyways, I came back with no success, but I did learn some valuable tips, regarding the sport.

For starters, WEAR OLD CLOTHES! I nearly tore a hole in my $50 jeans, trying to jump over a barbed-wire fence. And if you’re going through the woods, WEAR LONG SLEEVES! I’m just lucky that I didn’t run into any poison ivy out there.

With my luck, one of my caches was located by a lake behind a government building. The BAD part was that the fire alarm went off, just as I was coming back from the lake. I was caught with small electronics in my hand (my GPS) and a sheepish look, as I feared the worst, worried that they might think I tripped the alarm as a joke, seeing as I clearly didn’t belong among the rest of the middle-aged people in business dress. Lucky for me, I only suffered strange glances. I got back to my car, and in my haste, I accidentally peeled out of the parking lot, only adding to my worry that the Feds would jump out of the bushes and run me down.

Anyways, that was my adventure for the day. Just thought this might be a fitting way to jumpstart the life back into my blog.

Later peeps!

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What Now? Create Your Own Adventure!

2009-07-02T11:31:00.003-04:00

Okay, so, you might all be wondering where my adventures will take me for now. I can tell you ONE thing for certain:

I have no clue.

I hope that this change doesn't put off my base of readers, but then again, most of you are reading this for information about my travels. If you're upset by my decision about not wanting to return to ships, I wish to first apologize, and then encourage you to go and create your OWN adventures!

I'm not saying "no" to adventure, as I'm pretty sure that I can get myself into trouble just as easily at home as I do on a ship (or by nearly getting left behind by a ship). It'll just be a little bit different kind of non-multilingual, metropolitan-based, non-life-threatening adventure than you're currently used to.

For those of you that wish to still read my blog, I'll continue to be loyal to my following by regularly filling you in on the details of my existence.

Ciao for now!

------------------------------------

A note to my e-mail readers:

For those of you who currently receive my blog via e-mail, you will no longer get them automatically. All future posts can be accessed one of two ways.

(1) Check my blog site regularly at http://www.apt201.com I recommend bookmarking this in your Internet browser.

(2) Click the following link to automatically add my blog to your computer's RSS reader (Really Simple Syndication). If you don't know what RSS is, read up on the Wikipedia article here. In short, RSS lets you know IMMEDIATELY when I add a new blog entry, and provides the easiest way to read it.

RSS LINK:
http://scottbabraham.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/default?alt=rss

If you choose to use RSS, here is what you need to know:

Windows users: you have an RSS reader built in to Internet Explorer 7 and 8. Clicking on the link above will usually add the link automatically. The function is usually designated by this symbol.

Mac users have an RSS reader built into Apple Mail. Just clicking on the big link above, and the link will be added into your reader.

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Changing My Future...

2009-06-24T23:46:00.004-04:00

Well, I'm sure you're all wondering now about all the hubbub, Bub. I realize that I shouldn't keep you all in the dark about my job situation. People have been asking me about my plans for ships, and I've been giving everyone a different answer.

Well, the good news is that I've MADE MY DECISION!

THE SHORT: I've decided not to return to ships (not right now, anyways).

Okay. Any questions, thusfar? No? Good.

THE LONG:

Some months ago, I had signed my second contract with my company, planning on doing my next contract in Australia sometime in July, giving me 36 days to spend at home with friends and family.

Over the last eight months, I'd had great deal of stress related to being gone from home for the Holidays, with the various people that I had encountered on my contract, as well as being away from religious affiliation and my church family. These are things that I've realized that I don't do well without.

Last Monday, I finally realized that I don't want to go back to ships right now. But what problem do I have? OH, RIGHT! I had signed a contract! God? How is this going to be possible? Is it too late? Should I look for a loophole in my contract?

While I was rolling in my misery of the hopelessness of my future 6-month contract, I got momentarily distracted by the familiar *ping* of my computer, indicating a new incoming e-mail. Picking myself off of the ground, I plopped down in front of my MacBook and opened up the new message.

-------------------------------------------

Hey!
I need your signed agreement back please. I have attached it again to this email.
Thanks!

-------------------------------------------

What's the heck? Checking on my past e-mails with my boss, I recovered the e-mail that I had sent her. Sure enough, I HAD sent the contract back in the end of February, and I even had an e-mail from the following day in which my boss confirmed that she had received my signed agreement.

Somehow, within the last 4 months, the signed copy of my contractor's agreement had been misplaced or lost. Digging up my snapshot of the signed contract (I didn't have a scanner, so I had used a digital camera), I opened up a new e-mail.

"But wait..." I think to myself. "This might be my out!" After all, it was only a FEW HOURS from my cry to God for help before he gave me an answer, and the biggest contractual loophole ever!

There was no thought needed. This is God's Will! So I began writing a letter to my boss. Something like this.

Well, EXACTLY like this.

-------------------------------------------

I'm not sure if you remember, but I did send you the signed contract back in February, and you acknowledged its receipt.

I've thoroughly enjoyed my last contract, and the steps that you went through to help me extend my contract from its initial three months. I also appreciate that you've done so much else to help me along the way, like when I didn't have my Brazilian Visa, and I risked getting disembarked in Africa (fun times, I tell ya). But I've since had a change in heart in regards to my second contract.

It may have been the long duration of my first contract (and the short break I requested), but I've since been reconsidering returning to ships. I assure you that the factors in my decision are not related to [insert company here] in any way. I've just had a great deal of emotional stress in the last couple months of my contract, related to being gone from home for the Holidays, (not to mention just being gone for 8 months), and with the various people that I've encountered on my contract, as well as being away from religious affiliation and my church family. These are things that I've realized that I don't do well without.

When you sent me the e-mail today, requesting the signed contract again, it gave me a great deal of hope that I have a choice about how I want to spend the immediate future. I'm not saying that I wouldn't love to do another contract, I just think I bit off a bit more than I could chew the first time around.

I hope that you don't see my decision as disrespectful or inconsiderate, but if you find the signed contract and wish to hold me to its obligations, I'd be willing to honor that. But I'm withholding sending the signed contract again, as I need some time to recoup from the stress. I hope that this doesn't cause too much work for you to reassign a new instructor to the ship, but I feel confident in my decision.

I wish to be able to use [insert company here] as a good reference or future jobs, so I hope that you don't take my actions as being hostile. I'm not asking for any deals or any change in compensation to return right now, I simply want to stay at home for the time being.

Sincerely,
Scott

-----------------------------------------

Half expecting her to find the contract and hold it over my head, I was astonished when I received this reply:

Hi Scott!

I know this was hard for you but I totally understand. Not to worry about me asking you to do this. Your heart is not in it so that would not be right.

I wish you all the best and please know that you are welcome back at any time and I would love to give you great references if you need it.

So that's it, folks! Until further notice, I'm staying home!

Thank you all for praying for me!

Ciao for now!

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Celebrity Look-Alike? Scott vs. Seth McFarlane?

2009-06-22T21:47:00.002-04:00

Someone said I looked like Seth McFarlane (the creator of Family Guy). What do you think?

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My Availability Calendar...

2009-06-18T00:44:00.001-04:00

Sure, this is going to sound like the world revolved around me, but I'll risk it. Below are the links for my availability calendar on Google. This public calendar lets you know the days that I have immovable events planned, as well as times that I have available. Some people say that's lame, and the rest of us call it "taking advantage of technology".

Quick Explanation about the formats:

HTML is the easiest to view format for everyone. This is a link that you can bookmark in your Internet browser. XML is for people that have computer-based calendar programs to manage their events, and will add my events to their calendar program. ICAL is specifically for Mac users, with full integration into the iCal program.

Choose your preferred format:

HTML XML ICAL

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Forget Rome! I'm HOME!

2009-06-16T20:18:00.002-04:00

Hey everyone! After 8 months at sea, I'm finally home!

I don't know what my obsession is with FAQs, but I've already got a list of them that I'm pretty sure everyone will ask at one point or another.

What? You were on a cruise liner for 8 months? How did I miss this???

Thanks a bunch. I'm glad you missed me.

I was sailing with Princess Cruises on the Grand Princess for the last eight months. The Grand's itinerary carried us through the Caribbean and the Mediterranean, as that is her primary purpose. I was subcontracted through a third-party company to teach computer classes to the passengers onboard.

No, for real! Where all did you go?

In the Caribbean, we visited many ports (which in my opinion nearly all looked the same), including Dominica, Barbados, St. Thomas, St. Kitts, St. Vincent, Aruba, Curacao, Grand Turk, La Romana, Trinidad, Grenada, and Bonaire.

During our stay in the Mediterranean and the Baltic Seas, we got to see many more great sites (and sights), including Italy, France, Greece, Portugal, Spain, The United Kingdom, Croatia, Turkey, Egypt, Gibraltar, Ireland, and Scotland!

How did you score that job?

Craigslist.com

Really?

Really.

Is there now a Mrs. Scott Abraham?

Well, there MIGHT've been, but the future Mrs. Scott Abraham got confiscated back at Heathrow Airport in London. Seems that it was against regulations to smuggle her as overweight luggage. *sigh* And I never even knew her name...

For real, now. No.

Are you leaving again?

Right now, I'm more than happy just to be snuggly at home than to be anywhere else in the world (wow. spellcheck let me say "snuggly"?) I'm not sure if I'm ready for another contract.

What's your phone number? E-Mail address?

Look me up at facebook.com/scottabraham!

Where can I see your photos?

All of my photos - past, present, and future - can all be seen online at http://www.flickr.com/photos/scottabraham.

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NEW PHOTOS! Rome! Cartagena! Malaga! La Rochelle!

2009-06-10T08:25:00.001-04:00

I'm sorry that I haven't posted any pictures lately, folks! We've been having problems with the Internet connection on the Grand, which makes things very time-consuming, and therefore very expensive! But, I managed to take some time in Gibraltar to upload some photos for your viewing pleasure.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/scottabraham

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6 Days 'Til I'm Home!!!

2009-06-07T14:56:00.004-04:00

That's right, folks! I'll be home on Saturday, June the 13th!

My 10-hour flight arrives in Atlanta at 7pm, and I should be snugly in bed by 9pm that night.

The only thing that I have immediately set in stone is a date with Boomer. She's been drowning in her sorrows for her owner (and a pool of washer-fluid tears) and is in dire need of some lovin' and a set of new rubbers (tires).

BUT...AFTER my engagement, I would LOVE to hear from anyone when I get back in town, so feel free to drop me a phone call. Please don't bother with Facebook, because I've not heard your voices in months! My regular phone number is now back on Facebook, so you can find it there, or you can message me to send it to you.

If you want to meet for a lunch (or for some other munch) then just give me a ring!

I love you all, and I hope to get a chance to catch back up with you in the short time that I'm home!

Ciao for now!

EDIT: Forgot to mention this. I'll be leaving on a new contract on July the 19th (36-ish days)

The Innocence of the Senescent...

2009-06-01T11:04:00.001-04:00

I'm running my normal office hours in the Internet Cafe today, when an elderly man rolls up to my desk (he's in a powerchair).

"Do you have a menu that I can look at?" he asks. Puzzled by his question, I reply, "I'm sorry, sir? A menu?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," he says. "You guys don't serve food here?" I'm beginning to think this is a joke, so I the poor fellow a little more.

"No, sir, we don't serve food here. Are you looking for the Michelangelo dining room? Because it's right around the corn..."

"Oh, just drinks and stuff, then? Coffee? Tea?" At this point, I'm pretty sure he's serious.

"No, sir. I'm sorry, we don't serve any food or beverages here." At this point, the gentleman cocks his head slightly to the side, before he inquires, "Well, what do you serve here?" At this point, he's a little irritated.

"Um," I hesitate, "Internet?" I answer sheepishly. What else was I supposed to say?

The man gives me a blank stare for a second.

"Oh," he finally replies, with a rather dejected sigh. Then with a electric click and a whirr, he spins and scoots his way out of the Internet Cafe.

Tags: Randomness, Funny, Daily Ramble

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Finding Fun Faces in Familiar Foods...REVISITED!

2009-05-26T17:42:00.009-04:00

Okay, there's really no right or wrong answer to this. Only an answer that's better than most. And the winner is...

HOMER SIMPSON!

View My New Itinerary! (Cruise AP0912)

2009-05-23T15:53:00.003-04:00

This cruise is going to be shorter than our typical cruise (only 7 days), so these ports might whiz by before you know it!

Sun, May 24 - AT SEA

Mon, May 25 - Vigo, Spain

Tue, May 26 - Lisbon, Spain

Wed, May 27 - AT SEA

Thu, May 28, La Rochelle, France

Fri, May 29, Brest, France

Finding Fun Faces in Familiar Foods...

2009-05-19T04:15:00.001-04:00

Yesterday, in the Officer's mess, a friend of mine found this familiar face in his food. No, he didn't make it. It just showed up in his spoon.

Sure, it's no Virgin Mary on toast, or Elvis in fungus, but I'm pretty sure it won't take you too long to figure out who it is. (Think outside of the real world.)

Post a guess!

NEW PICTURES! Gibraltar, Southampton, and Barcelona!

2009-05-17T10:57:00.000-04:00

Sorry that I haven't been posting many pictures as of late, guys! I've really been wanting to go home, so I've been keeping myself from having any fun on-land. But here's the link you've been waiting to see!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/scottabraham

-------------------------------------

SCOTT ABRAHAM

Computers@Sea Instructor

Grand Princess

scottbabraham@gmail.com

NEVER BEFORE SEEN PICTURES! (and some that you have)

2009-05-11T22:34:00.002-04:00

Along with a bunch of pictures that you've already seen, here's some high-resolution photos that don't generally make it into my albums, for one reason or another.

I'll periodically update this set of pictures, as I find random ones that don't really fit in with the GOOD pictures. :o)

NEVER BEFORE SEEN PICTURES!

My Regular Photostream

New Cruise AP0911! View My Itinerary!

2009-05-09T13:59:00.006-04:00

CRUISE AP0911

Sat 5/9 - Southampton, UK

Sun 5/10 - AT SEA

Mon 5/11 - AT SEA

Tue 5/12 - Gibraltar

Wed 5/13 - Alicante, Spain

Thu 5/14 - Barcelona, Spain

Fri 5/15 - Cannes, France

Sat 5/16 - Livorno, Italy

Sun 5/17 - Civitavecchia, Italy

Mon 5/18 - Alghero, Italy

Tue 5/19 - AT SEA

Wed 5/20 - Cadiz, Spain

Thu 5/21 - AT SEA

Fri 5/22 - AT SEA

Sat 5/23 - Southampton

Delays...

2009-05-08T09:54:00.002-04:00

Sorry that I've been neglecting you, guys! Cruising has been uneventful lately. With all my friends leaving, and myself about to head home, I'm getting a little anxious and reclusive. I should have some new pictures and a story in a day or two!

Ciao for now!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/scottabraham

Three Hours in Paris! (with Photos!)

2009-04-29T11:05:00.004-04:00

We had a short time in Paris, France, in account of that it was a three-hour drive to Paris from our port in Le Havre. There were two busses of crew members (nearly 100 of us) that boarded for a self-guided tour of Paris.

I went out with a few friends from the ship. Amber is a Purser who works on the front lines of passenger services, dealing with complaints all-day, every day. Patrik is the Lighting Manager for the production shows on the Grand Princess. He's a tall, quirky, and slightly eccentric Belgian fellow (as you might guess, from his series of pictures at the beginning). Then there is Przemek, who is a dancer in the outgoing cast on the Grand Princess. Przemek (pronounced, "Shemeck") and I have become great friends over the last couple of weeks, and it's going to be sad to see him go at the end of this cruise.

Here's a couple links straight to the pictures from Paris:

My Live Photostream (Most recent)

PARIS ONLY

NEW CRUISE! AP0910

2009-04-25T19:12:00.004-04:00

Alrighty, everyone! This is the first cruise back in Europe! Here's the heads-up on my itinerary, since it's virtually impossible for even MYSELF to find it! Oh, and BTW, here's my sea-based phone number, if you need it: 404.751.0601

Embarkation Day: Southampton

Day 1 (4/26): AT SEA

Day 2 (4/27): AT SEA

Day 3 (4/28): Malaga, Spain

Day 4 (4/29): Cartagena, Spain

Day 5 (4/30): Barcelona, Spain

Day 6 (5/1): Monte Carlo

Day 7 (5/2): Civitavecchia, Italy

Day 8 (5/3): Naples, Italy

Day 9 (5/4): Ajaccio, Spain

Day 10 (5/5): AT SEA

Day 11 (5/6): Gibraltar

Day 12 (5/7): AT SEA

Day 13 (5/8): AT SEA

Przmek's Photoshoot...

2009-04-16T20:38:00.005-04:00

I told you all about the pictures that I shot for the Grand Princess Performers.

I was recently befriended by one of the performers, after he saw the pictures that I passed out to the rest of the cast. Przemyslaw (We call him "Przemek", which is pronounced "Shemeck") sat down with me at breakfast one morning, and thanked me for the pictures.

He told me that, when he had sent the pictures home to his mom in Poland, she was thrilled with what she saw. Przemek asked if I could take some more pictures for him, so we had an impromptu photo shoot, both in St. John's, and in West End, Bermuda.

Przemek's Photoshoot!
Scott's Current Photostream!

---------------------------

For the shoot in St. John's, Przemek and I went out on a scooter. We originally tried to rent a Jeep, but we hit a few snags along the way. The first of which was that we were still technically in the United States. As you probably know, the rental age in the US is 25 years, making me 2 years shy of being permitted to rent. Przemek began to fill out the paperwork for the rental (as he's 27), when the clerk asked him for a credit card. Which he didn't have.

So, now, we're back to square one. I'm not 25, and Przemek doesn't have a credit card. After trying at 9 different rental agencies, we about gave up....but not before finding a scooter rental store. (I know what you're thinking. I haven;t had the BEST record with personal vehicles!)

We zipped around to a few beaches along the coast, seeing places that we wouldn'tve seen via any other method of travel.

After we stopped at the first beach, we stayed out just long enough to take some photos, before heading on to the next beach. Przemek asked me if he could try to drive the scooter for a little bit. I thought against it, but then, I thought, "What could happen?"

ANSWER: Przemek could drive it like a jetski. That's what.

Having never before driven a scooter, he figured that it would be much like a bike. But I think that the 300lb deadweight of the scooter, plus our combined weight, threw off his calculations a little bit.

No, we didn't run into any cars or ditches...but he DID nearly run over an old lady and her less-than-impressed daughter.

I quickly withdrew my offer, and Przemek surrendered the controls back to someone with [one day] more experience.

----------------------------

On Monday, Lori, Przemek, and I went out across West End in Bermuda to take some photos. The day was still planned for Przemek to get more photos to send home, but Lori and I managed to squeeze ourself into some great shots, as well.

On one particular occasion, I found a great rock to take pictures on, just off the beach. Giving my camera to Lori, I waded out into the water, unsure about how deep it really was. It was about knee level, nearly all the way out to the rock formation, but then it dropped off, right as I was reaching the rock.

Consequently, I got soaked all the way up to my chest (and mind you, I'm wearing white pants with blue swim trunks underneath). As soon as I went under, I frantically checked my pockets to see what was in them (I usually carry my phone in my pocket). Thankfully, my wallet was the only thing that got doused.

So, I figure...what the heck? Might as well get the photos I came for! Both Lori and Przemek could not stop laughing (or taking pictures, for that matter), and they continued laughing AND taking pictures up past the point that I'm back OUT of the water.

Finally satisfied with the results of our pictures for the day, we headed back to the port. There, we met Cameron (Lori's bf) who met us to hang out for a little while in the surrounding port area (hence the pictures of us on the swings in a playground).

------------------

With only 2 weeks left in his contract, Przemek was glad to finally have some pictures to take home to remember the glamour of ship life. These pictures (along with the other mishaps), you'll be able to find below!

Przemek's Photoshoot!

Scott's Current Photostream!

Whee!!! POST NUMBER 100!!!

2009-04-11T16:17:00.000-04:00

63 more days 'til I come home! (and yes, I'm counting the hours and minutes, as well.)

I'm missing so many things from home. Family and Friends...Movies and Music...Milk and Cookies, Chick-fil-A and Arby's...

I also miss Pastor Johnny Hunt and Sunday mornings, driving and visiting places on my own free will, and two-ply toilet paper (and on that note, being around people that are young enough to control their bowel movements).

As of April 10th, we lost and gained 700 out of 1100 crew members! Now, nearly everybody's gone from the Grand, and I'm pretty much all alone. The only people I know that are left onboard are the Production Staff, the Dancers, and the Shoppies. Come April 25th, they'll ALL be gone as well.

It's all starting to wear on me. And since nearly everyone onboard is new, that means that I have to promote myself all over again to all of the crew (so they can, in turn, promote me). I also have to schmooze the right officials to get my special privileges like "anytime-dining" privileges, the key to the Officer's laundry, and an access card to the back office, so I can check personal business e-mail anytime I want. (I still don't have comped Internet)

Oh, and to top that all off, Camila and Vanessa just left, as well. Both brilliant and wonderful personalities that I've enjoyed the company of for the last several months. But now, I'm nearly back to square one with onboard relationships. (For those of you who don't know, shipboard relationships expire faster than the milk from Wal-Mart.)

There IS some GOOD NEWS that comes out of all of this, and that is that, new crew makes for better morale. Better morale makes for happier passengers. Happier passengers make for a less-irritable computer instructor. A less irritable computer instructor makes for less keyboards busted over passengers' heads.

And all in all...What a Wonderful World. :oD

New Pics from Cabana Beach in Curacao! (POST# 99!)

2009-04-03T23:15:00.003-04:00

From the endless batches of pictures I have yet to upload, BEHOLD!

Pictures that PROVE there IS something good in Curacao!

The rest of my Flickr Photostream, you can find here.

I'm not sure what I'm going to be doing to celebrate my 100th post, yet, so don't hold your breath.

Love you all!

NEW PICS! "Do You Want To Dance?"

2009-04-03T00:31:00.005-04:00

Okay everyone! Here we are!

New pictures of the Grand Princess Performers in the show,

"Do You Want To Dance?"

I have several more batches of photos coming from various places, including Grenada, some new beaches at Curacao, and some from a recent sunset from onboard the Grand Princess!

A $100 Bill

2009-04-02T02:52:00.005-04:00

This morning, over the PA system:

"Good MORNING, folks! I'm Tim, your cruise director onboard the Grand Princess, and I'd like to start the morning by informing you about some of our ongoing events! But before we do that, first thing's first. We're going to have a scavenger hunt in the Atrium area!"

"Right now, there are 8 envelopes hidden in the Atrium, one of them contains a $100 bill! The scavenger hunt is taking place, right now in the Atrium, between decks five and seven, so get out there and search for your prize!"

Well, this is just great. I just started my first class of the day. Looking up at my students, all with slack jaws, I say in jest, "Okay, guys. Make your choice, it's either me or the hundred bucks."

My passengers all look at each other, and nobody gets up to leave. Completely dumbfounded, I say, "Wow! Such loyal students! You all get a gold star! Right after I get back from the scavenger hunt!"

I feign walking towards the door, but not before Tim comes back over the PA system.

"Ladies and Gentlemen! The scavenger hunt is complete! All eight envelopes were found, seven of them containing a slip of paper saying 'Sorry, try again!', and one grand prize envelope with my one-hundred dollar bill from my bar tab from last night at the crew bar! Please present the bill to be paid at the Purser's desk on deck six in the Atrium, and have a CRACKIN' day on the Grand Princess!

Morning Misfortunes. A (real) Parody of Scott's Morning Life"

2009-03-28T18:10:00.005-04:00

I might’ve told you once about the loft I had in my last apartment. If I haven’t, I’m telling you now.

I had bought a loft for the apartment, since space in my room came at a premium. The bed had about two feet of clearance, from the place that I rested my head, to the ceiling.

It wasn’t long until I was used to waking up and smacking my head against the ceiling in the morning. There’s actually a dent and a smudge in the drywall where I hit it once-too-many, in the time that I lived there.

About 6 months later, I moved to another, cheaper residence. Space there wasn’t as tight, but I realized that I still wanted to take advantage of the almost 30% increase in floor space. So I decided that I would, once again, use the loft.

Bad idea.

The ceiling in question was that 80’s-ish drippy, pointy plaster stuff that’s fun to pick at when you have a bunk bed as a kid. It’s a little LESS fun when you’re 90lbs heavier and twice as tall.

You could probably guess that I learned really quickly to avoid sitting up to quickly in bed. Within about a week, I unconsciously figured out how to train that self-damaging habit out of myself.

But then I had a new problem.

Climbing into bed at night presented a problem. I could avoid hitting my head against the ceiling, but then there’s the issue of my “beastly” shoulders. Every night, while I was trying to bring my feet up over the side of the bed, I’d get scathed by the once-fun, unassuming plaster.

The problem didn’t really become evident until I woke up with blood on the pillow by my shoulder. Not much, but still blood.

It was also getting harder for my mom to believe that I still didn’t have a girlfriend when I kept on coming home with more claw-like scratches across my shoulders (not that that was necessarily a bad thing).

I just told her they were battle scars.

Well, I survived through another 4 months or so, until I moved out (shortly before starting my current job with Princess Cruises).

FAST FORWARD! -----------------------------------

Okay, up to the present day. I currently share bunks with the Internet Manager on the Grand Princess.

For the longest time, I was unable to get up reliably with a traditional alarm clock. So I improvised, and since I was on a ship, the easiest thing to do was to set up the Wake-Up Call time on the telephone.

Truth be told, the phone ringer was a little too jarring in the morning…but it worked! By the time I climbed out of bed, onto the floor and got to the phone, I would have a MASSIVE headache (that was in about 10 seconds).

“Good Morning,” the automated phone system would say in a flat tone, “This is your...7…AM…wake up call. Good Morning. This is your...7…AM…wake up call. Good mor…”

Click.

I had finally gotten out of the half-asleep habit of trying to talk to the phone system. After greeting the phone back, it usually took a second for me to realize that there was no heartbeat on the other side of the line.

After about 2 or 3 weeks, I got pretty good at cutting down the time it took me to get to the phone. Promptly at 7am, the phone would ring, and in less than 4 seconds, I’d be up, over the side of the bed, on the floor, and have knocked the phone off the wall….all with 6 extra seconds to spare before headache threshold.

Now, sharing a cabin would usually mean that there were curtains around the beds to shut out the light, since my roomie and I shared the same 74 sq. foot living space. But for the first several weeks, we didn’t have any curtains, for one reason or another. So I talked with Sendo, our cabin steward, and he said that he’d try to scrounge up some curtains for us.

Two days later, I came back into my cabin after a long day. Whaddaya know? We’ve got curtains now! Now I could go to sleep at night, not worrying about when Vlatko would come into the cabin from the crew bar at night. This was a tremendous improvement in my sleep life.

So, first night with the curtains, I sleep completely uninterrupted.

6:59am

7:00am – Phone starts blaring. I nearly launch myself off my pillow and grab the handrail and try to sling myself over the side of the bed. Only now…the curtains are in the way. So I stick one foot over the side of the bed, trying to feel for the desk, which is what I usually step on to get off the top bunk.

With just a little too much haste, I accidentally step on the curtain with my other foot. With the curtain in my face, and nothing to grab on with my other hand, my planted foot slips off the desk and under the bed, which is now behind me as I fall face first off the top bunk.

I land awkwardly on the chair in front of the desk, but I’m still moving, as the chair tips over. Desperately putting my hands out as I try to break my fall, my arm (and thankfully NOT my head) slams against the side of the desk, but not before I manage to smack the phone off the hook.

“Good morning!” I hear, landing on the floor with the wind knocked out of me. “This is your 7AM Wake-Up Fall.”

New Destinations on the Horizon! Literally.

2009-03-24T18:36:00.014-04:00

Well, it's nearly the end of my tour of the Caribbean. Well, don't fret. It's not too bad. But I WILL have to "settle" for the Mediterranean and the Baltic seas.

This transition IS going to be a little bit rough. Everyone will be leaving the Grand Princess (and by extension, leaving me as well!) Well, not everyone, but darned over two-thirds of the onboard crew will be signing off at the end of the next cruise. By April 10th, nearly everyone I've known onboard will be leaving for home, or for another contract...or leaving ships for good.

Come April 10th, we'll be making our crossing of the Atlantic. As you might know, i do most of my work on days at sea. Now, for the Caribbean, that means that the bulk of my classes fall on 4 out of the 14 days (before you sneer at my workdays, you come onboard and try to teach Photoshop to seniors and retirees). Now, thank the Lord, I don't have to do all 4 class days back-to back...but this is nearly the end of the Caribbean.

April 10th marks the first day of a 14-day crossing cruise with 8 days at sea. Six of those sea days are consecutive.

I'm going to die.

Most of you might know that I started this contract in the Mediterranean. When I did the TransAtlantic crossing westwards, it was a 22-day cruise with a MAX of 4 consecutive sea days. People were getting grumpy after day 2. I can't imagine what six days at sea is going to be like.

On the other hand, there are some pretty significant pros (minor understatement) to the crew change. Despite all the great people that are leaving at the end of next cruise, there's a handful of good-apples-turned-bad that are going, as well.

Unfortunately, ship life tends to drastically change some people (I'm partly guilty, myself) and I've had some really great friendships go sour, with people that couldn't handle the stress. Granted, I don't have NEAR the lousy circumstances that they do, when it comes to working conditions, so I have a slight advantage. But when I thought that these people had hit rock-bottom...they pulled out a shovel and kept digging.

So the good news is that they get to go home, back to a semi-normal, less-dysfunctional life. I'm happy for them, but at the same time, the circumstances are a little sad.

On the other hand, this also means a lot of fresh, new crew! People that have just gotten back from their land-based vacations, and that are happy to be onboard! This might just make the next two months quite enjoyable for people like myself that are still onboard.

Well, there is one other little perk.

NEW DESTINATIONS!!!

France (Ajaccio, Brest, Cannes, La Rochelle, Le Havre),

Spain (Alicante, Barcelona, Cadiz, Cartagena, Malaga),

Italy (Alghero, Civitavecchia, Livorno, Naples),

England (Falmouth, Southampton),

Ireland (Dublin, Cobh),

Monaco (Monte Carlo),

Scotland (Greenock),

Portugal (Lisbon),

and Gibraltar.

Just to name a few.

LOVE YOU GUYS AND GALS! I'll see you at home in June!

The Grand Princess Performers!

2009-03-20T22:38:00.009-04:00

NEW PICTURES!

"Cinematastic! By the Grand Princess Performers!"

Some weeks back, I took some photos of the Grand Princess Performers during one of their shows. It's not too often that I get to attend the shows, so I seize the opportunity when it presents itself.

On one occasion, I had eaten dinner with one of the performers, and I had let her know that I had taken some pictures at the performance, and asked if she was interested in seeing them. (For all I knew, they get overloaded with other people offering up their pictures to them.)

As it turns out, they rarely get photos from their shows, as the photographers usually have other duties during the shows. She enthusiastically accepted my offer.

A day later, I gave her a CD of photos from the show, and she peppered me with "Thank You"s. Some days later, I ran into her again, and she told me that she loved the photos, and that she'd finally have something to send to her family at home in Australia.

Well, as things would happen to play out, the pictures made their way around to the other performers, and word got out that I was the one taking them. I decided that I would attend a few more shows, to hopefully get some more lucky pictures.

The most recent of shows that I attended was "Cinematastic!" which was a collection of musical movie themes. I attended both showings of the performance for that particular night, each time sitting in a different seat. The last show, I was lucky enough to have nearly front-row seats, just off to the side of center-stage.

Satisfied that I had enough decent pictures (I had taken nearly 8GB worth of photos, or nearly 1600 shots), I went back to my cabin and began compiling a collection of the best.

With my best selection whiddled down to 170 photos, I began making the first of 14 CDs that I would be passing on to the performers. 13 CDs and 2.5 hours later, I had the CDs packaged and ready to go.

I passed the stack of CDs onto Ian, one of the performers, who I had spoken to earlier about distributing the CDs.

The following day, I ended up talking with a handful of performers that I had never spoken to before. I was ashamed that I didn't even recognize all of them, despite the fact that they all instantly recognized me!

So, as they are LONG OVERDUE, here are the pictures that I took at one of the performances of "Cinematastic!"

NEW PICTURES!

"Cinematastic! By the Grand Princess Performers!"

Why NOT to buy a Mac...

2009-03-15T19:01:00.004-04:00

Okay, I probably gave you guys a little bit of a scare, and I admit, I figured it would serve some usefulness in getting you to read my blog. Punish me. *slap on the wrist*

Okay, now, for real. I DO have some annoyances with Mac that really get under my skin.

Networking lockups
Now, this might not pertain to most of you Mac users out there, but when I'm trying to connect to a remote server, I want a "CONNECTED" or a "CONNECTION FAILED" within 10 seconds!

With the Mac, it doesn't do either. If it can't find the server, it says, "I can't find it. Let me try something else. Ehhh, nah, no good. There! I've almost got it...nope. Aww. Wait! No. Yes! Hang on a second...dangit..."

Safari doesn't do full-screen

When you're using a laptop with a small screen, you want to take the most advantage of your space. So, if you're using Windows, you simply hit F11, and you instantly have a full-screen view! The toolbars tuck away neatly to the sides, and you have a completely unhindered portal to the Internet!

With a Mac, you hit the green "maximize" button, and the window stretches down to the dock, but not sideways. The toolbars stay visible and in the way, even the menubar stays up. For you to get anywhere NEAR full-screen, you have to manually stretch the window. But don't do it too close to the dock...you might not ever be able to grab that corner without the freakin' dock bouncing up like a jack russel.

Safari 4 beta CRASHES ALL THE FREAKIN' TIME!

Now, this is understandable, but still irritating. Safari 4 Beta crashes every time I try to

iPhoto keeps on getting fatter and fatter

Someone needs to tell Steve Jobs that he needs to stop feeding cute lil' iPhoto. With all the new features Jobs is cramming down iPhoto's throat, he's becoming a sluggish, bloated tub of goo. Sure, Pudge can do nearly anything, but my MacBook is about to suffer a cardiac arrest. Trim back out the extra fat, and you might once again have the efficient and sprightly photo management software you once had.

The Apple key is gone! (Now nobody knows what I mean when I say “Apple+random key”)

What the heck is this???? No Apple key on the new Macs? That's like taking the wheel off of the iPod! You can't DO that!!! Oh, wait. They DID take the wheel off the iPod.

Bollocks.

Too many useless alternate keys! FN, CTRL, ALT/OPTION, APPLE/CMD

I'm tired of trying to remember: "Is it CMD+SHIFT+TAB or is it CMD+ALT+TAB? Or was it CMD+OPTION+SHIFT+TAB?

Geesh. Windows users have it so great. All they need is CTRL+ALT+DEL.

Me and My Nasty Multitasking Habit

2009-03-13T23:13:00.005-04:00

I don’t know what it is about me and computer productivity. It’s almost a fetish (for lack of a better word), being able to have 8 or more applications open at once, doing 16 things or more.

Right now, let me tell you what I’m doing:

-Pre-blogging in Word, so I don’t use valuable Internet time

-Installing Adobe software from 6 different discs (ALL AT THE SAME TIME)

-Listening to Café del Mar on iTunes

-Cloning my class data to four 4GB flash drives, so it’s quicker to roll out new curriculum

-Copying all pertinent data to my own personal 16GB flash drive

-Updating the playlists on my iPod

-Backing up to Time Machine (does that count?)

-Twittering

-Managing the Internet Café (which is NOT my job)

And all that is on ONE computer. I didn’t even bother mentioning the FOUR OTHER LAPTOPS on my desk.

-The first is Trent’s (the Fitness Instructor), whose I’m rebuilding his iTunes library files, since he has them strewn across his computer and two external hard drives.

-The next is Leif’s (the Art Director). I’m recovering music files from his iPod and his computer simultaneously.

-The third computer is one of my class laptops, which is assisting in the recovery of Leif’s computer.

-The last laptop is Maurizio’s (the Italian pianist), who’s always having issues with Vista (issues that I never thought possible).

Oh, and did I mention that I’m also installing a new wireless access point for the Internet Café? ALSO NOT MY JOB.

So, as you see, I have a bit of a problem. I’m pretty disconnected from the rest of the world, since I have to pay by-the-minute, but that doesn’t slow down progress. It simply diverts it. I find other things to multitask with.

HEEEELLLLLLLLP!!!!!!!!!!!!

New Pictures from Curacao! (LINK)

2009-03-12T13:30:00.001-04:00

Good news, people! I've finally got new pictures up from Curacao! You can find them here.

Ciao!

"Nanny Cars" that drive our kids for us? Um, no thanks.

2009-03-08T08:25:00.000-04:00

I’ve started losing faith in educational TV programs. They’ve lately been filled with over-granted scientists with worthless degrees in talking crap.

Last night, I was watching the Discovery Channel special on Automotive Automation. They were talking about the future of cars that drive themselves.

You might’ve heard about DARPA on the news, the government-sponsored program for developing a completely autonomous car. The primary intent for the program is for the safe delivery of military supplies to “hot-zones” without endangering more lives by sending out a manned vehicle.

Scientists are also ranting and raving about how autonomous cars aren’t that far away, and they could eliminate fatalities due to car accidents, as well as improve traffic flow.

Sure, I think it’s fascinating, and it might save lives, but REALLY, FOLKS? Do you think it’s going to work? Do you think the public is going to buy into it?

Here’s a few problems with this whole mess, from my point of view:

Robotic cars: Robots are driven by computers. We know that computers are only as smart as their maker. We ALSO know that Microsoft has the propensity to release their buggy software prematurely. Do I really want the latest version Windows Vista to cause my car to crash?

What about viruses? It seems like we could be opening ourselves up to a whole new kind of grand theft! Thieves wouldn't even have to leave the comfort of their home to steal my car!

A lot of people aren't only worried about auto-theft, but many are also paranoid that Big Brother might take over control of cars at will. If the government mandates that all cars can drive themselves, then why wouldn't they also take measures to make sure that they can detain anyone that might be trying to getaway in a self-driving car? I don't take my personal concerns to that extreme, but there is something that hits me pretty hard, when talking about autonomous transportation...

I LIKE TO DRIVE!

There’s PLENTY of people out there that ENJOY the driving experience! It’s the same people that go out and buy manual transmissions even when automatics are lower maintenance (and therefore, overall much cheaper). And I really just don't like being driven around by someone else, muchless a computer.

Now THIS is what REALLY peeves me off!

"In the future, we could have Nanny cars that take our kids to school, or any other places they need to go!" Nanny cars? Driving your kids for you? Are you for REAL? It's just another excuse for you to avoid talking to your kids. You've already bought a car with the surround-sound entertainment center, DVD player, and game console in the back. This could be the FINAL STEP in getting rid of ALL PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY! As if the world hasn't done enough of that already.

I don't know about you, but the freedom I feel while driving is something that I'm not willing to give up. I can assure you that I'm NOT going to be one of those fathers that plops my kid in the Nannymobile and leaves all the parental responsibility to technology. Next thing you know, we won't even need to have SEX to have kids!!!

Oh, wait. They've ALREADY DONE THAT!!!

QOTD: Quote of the Day! Roman and Peter, on Afghanistan

2009-03-05T13:19:00.003-05:00

Peter (N. Ireland): I get confused with all these wars. Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran....

Roman (Canada): Afghanistan is not a war. It's a peacekeeping mission.

Peter (N. Ireland): Soo...if people get rowdy...we shoot them?

Real Life: The Prayer of Jabez

2009-02-25T04:15:00.004-05:00

Hey everyone!

I have to tell you all, it's been pretty amazing, some of the things that have been happening here since I left.

Throughout my entire contract, I've been continually reminded of the prayer of Jabez in 1 Chronicles:
And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying, "Oh that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!" So God granted him what he requested.

I remember some years back, at one particular DiscipleNow at MZBC, when Bruce Wilkinson's book came out, I took his challenge:
"I challenge you to make the Jabez prayer for blessing part of the daily fabric of your life. To do that, I encourage you to follow unwaveringly the plan outlined here for the next thirty days. By the end of that time, you'll be noticing significant changes in your life, and the prayer will be on its way to becoming a treasured, lifelong habit."

Since I've been on this ship, I've seen direct answers to this prayer, over and over again.

God has blessed me with this wonderful opportunity to go out and see the world in the best way I never thought possible! Every morning, I have the privilege of waking up in a different destination, seeing places like Venice, the Greek Isles, Egypt, Spain, ...and even the REAL ATHENS!!!

Now, I'm floating on the back of a massive man-made floating technological wonder, but despite me being myself, the think that leaves me speechless isn't the ship at all. No, the time I enjoy the most is the time I have to myself and God, sitting on the top deck of the ship, miles away from any city lights, and looking up at the millions of stars in the night sky. I hear nothing but the gentle churning of the ocean's waves as they splash across the bow, and the whistle of the wind as it passes across the open decks of the ship.

There is rarely a time in which I have felt so close to God, as I am usually busied by the distractions and haste of land-based living.

Through my cruises, God has given me unlimited territory of influence! I've encountered people all over the world that I never thought I could've reached before. I've fellowshipped with people from Canada, South Africa and Brazil. I've also befriended people from Australia, Italy, Ireland, Scotland, Belgium, Poland, and England. And nearly every one of these encounters depended on what I saw as a mistake or a mishap along the way! But in fact, it's all part of an elaborate plan that I will one day see the results of.

Wherever I encountered a problem (like almost being disembarked in Senegal), God always brought the right person along to help out. Whenever I was feeling spiritually alone at Christmas, He introduced me to new Christian friends onboard. Whenever I was encountered face-to-face with temptation, He kept me from evil and provided a way out.

I have never seen the Bible become more real to me than since I've been here. I miss home very much, and ship-life can be stressful, and I get aggravated that I forget what day is Sunday. But every single day, I get another reminder from God, telling me that, "Yes, Scott. You're right where I want you to be at this moment. And that's all you need to worry about."

I know you guys are praying for me. I don't know who or how many of you there are, but I can feel it strong!

I love you all!

Google's Progress....

2009-02-25T02:08:00.007-05:00

For those of you that don' t know, Google is trying to take over the world. And if I may say so, myself, I think they're doing a pretty good job, too.

No, really. You know that Google has put their hand in just about everything (much like Microsoft). Now, UNLIKE Microsoft, they are a MUCh more progressive company, always coming up with great new ways to innovate on ideas that have been around for some time.

They did this with the now-defunct MapQuest, with the introduction of their Google Maps and Google Earth products (it's funny to call them products, since they're completely free.)

They've also rid the world of the only reason to use AOL by introducing the iGoogle page (a completely customizeable homepage).

GMail revolutionized e-mail and is now the most popular of e-mail accounts to have. It wasn't the first, by a long shot, BUT it WAS the first to offer 1GB of e-mail storage for free (now it offers over 7GB). The idea was that you could keep every e-mail you ever sent or received (there wasn't even a DELETE button, initially), as well as including a way to search for any message in your inbox instantly. Google created one of the smartest and most adaptable of SPAM filters ever available to give SPAMmers a run for their money.

Google Talk was introduced as an instant messaging client that enabled you to see and talk with anyone that had signed into their online GMail account. It hasn't replaced AIM by any means, but rather, they have now partnered with AOL to offer AIM messaging that starts everytime you login to check your e-mail.

Google Chrome is an Internet Explorer/Firefox replacement. But, instead of the typically-bloated installations of IE7 or Firefox, it's a very lightweight Internet browser. It's a very clean, simple, and easy-to-use product with nearly all necessary plug-ins already installed.

Picasa wasn't really a replacement for anything, but it was one of the first well-executed attempts at a basic photo management and editing program (designed to mimic the ease-of-use that is displayed in Apple iPhoto.)

Numerous online mobile products have now been added to Google, including the addition of MS Office-like online document publishing programs (Word, Excel, PPT look-alikes), Calendar, Notepad, Blogger, and Google News.

I could go on and on about Google and their success in integrating nearly every part of life into their free products, but if you haven't already, I encourage you to take a good, hard look into the company, and what it offers.

HERE is located a comprehensive list of products started by Google.

Anyways, this late-night drabble has to stop. I'm tired, and now that I look up, it's really a lot more than I really meant to type.

Goodnight, world.

New Casual Portraits Up!

2009-02-22T13:36:00.004-05:00

These are the first casual portraits that I've had in over 5 years!

Thanks to my "pho-tog" friends, I now have an updated set!

NEW PORTRAITS!

Class Project Pictures Are Up!

2009-02-18T13:51:00.005-05:00

Okay, so you all know that I teach computer classes, but most of you don't know what I actually teach! So I've added an album to my Flickr page that I'll periodically post pictures of things that I teach. Most of them are classes in Photoshop, so that will be most of what you see. I don't think that too many people care to see pictures of me teaching Word, Excel, or PowerPoint. :o)

NEW PICTURES!!!

Another Adventure! You, Me, and a Jet Ski!

2009-02-13T00:39:00.005-05:00

From February 7th
------------------------

We're in Barbados, again!

I swore that I’d never go back to the Boatyard (beach club in Barbados), but here I am, again!

This time, my entrance fee is only 5 bucks (since I’m officially now on the crew list), as opposed to 15, like last time. But, really, there’s not many good beaches near the pier in Barbados (except the Boatyard). So, $5 to get some good sun, wasn’t a bad deal.

When I got there, I looked around to see if I recognized anyone (we just got about 100 new crew onboard). Thalita was there, getting some sun, herself (though, in my opinion, she didn’t need anymore).

As normal, the locals are on the beach, selling overpriced Jet Ski rentals. And normally, I say, “Buzz off.”

Today was an exception. “That would be fun!” says Thalita, not knowing that I was about to give her the ride of her life.

So, we grab a lifejacket and jump on the jet ski, with myself in the driver’s seat. I figured it might be a considerate gesture to warn Thalita of my record with personal vehicles, but I decided against it.

Lucia, one of the ship’s pursers, decided that she’d join in on the fun, and hopped on a jet ski, herself.

I depressed the green “Start” button, and the deceptively quiet engine and then innocently purring beneath us.

“Ready?” I say.

“Yeah!” she yells, squeezing a tight grip around my waist.

With a firm squeeze of the throttle, the engine roared with enthusiasm as we shot off into surf. It wasn’t long before we were jumping across the waves at 70kph.

The water was a bit choppy, due to the recent boat traffic, and cutting straight across the waves was making it hard to hold on. And the tighter I held on to the handles, the harder I squeezed the throttle, and therefore the faster I went, and the more my bum hurt. And the never-ending cycle continues.

“STOP!” shrieked Thalita. “I’m scared!”

So, I let off the throttle and slid the jet ski to a halt. We took a minute to catch our breath. Both of us were laughing as the jet ski bobbed in the water.

Just then, Lucia zipped past us in a furious spray.

“You okay?” I looked back at Thalita with a mischievous grin. She re-secured her grip around me, knowing what I was about to do.

Another squeeze of the grip and a growl from the engine, and the hull of the jet ski heaved out of the water as we chased down Lucia.

We caught up with her and rode in her wake, chasing her in circles, then peeling off in the opposite direction.

Together, we all shot across the port, heading for the Grand Princess. I guess we figured we’d put on a show for the crew stuck on the ship.

We flew past the stern, leaving behind a hefty wake as we zigzagged towards the bow. When we got to the bridge, we carved a sharp turn, and kicked out the tail-end of the craft, throwing a massive sheet of water, straight up into the air…and right back down on us.

Both Lucia and I carved water-donuts in front of the Grand, hoping that someone on-deck would be getting a good show, with Thalita freaking out on the back seat the entire time. (I think she might’ve told me to stop, but I’m pretty sure it was the kind of “Stop” that meant “GO FASTER!”).

Thalita was still clutching me in a death-grip, and I just laughed and took off again, with the nose of the jet ski up in the air, nearly dumping her off the back.

“GAAAAH!!!” I winced in pain as Thalita carved a new orifice into my side. I looked down at the scratch (it wasn’t nearly as bad as it felt), and then back at Thalita, who already knew what she had done.

After licking my wound, I offered up the driver’s seat to Thalita, who had never ridden (muchless driven) a jet ski before. With a tentative squeeze on the throttle, Thalita eased up to a poky 35kph, trying to get a feel for the animal that had nearly bucked her off more than once before.

Once she found some calm, open water, she squeezed the throttle a little harder. We edged upwards towards 50kph and blahblahblahblah…..yeah, she drives like a grandma. :o) After about 15 minutes, she was worn out from just hanging on to the handlebars (once again, she had that white-knuckled, death-grip of hers).

She gave up the driver’s seat, and I took over, again. We zipped through the countless boats just off of the beach.

“Look over there!” said Thalita, pointing to a catamaran full of tourists. “I think my friend’s on that boat!” We drifted to a float as we neared the boat, so she could get a better look.

With no luck, I squeezed the trigger and started to pull an about-face. I don’t know exactly what happened, but this is how I remember it in slow-motion:

I didn’t give very much throttle at all, and the nose of the jet ski lifted out of the water (we hadn’t even gained any speed). Just then, the boat started rolling to the outside of the turn. Thalita started shrieking (which is more of a moan in slow-mo), as she nearly slipped off the seat.

That “nearly” is what did it for us. She stopped herself from falling off, but she was still hanging off on one side and hadn’t gotten completely back on.

But it was too late. The watercraft’s balance had already been upset. In vain, I tried to correct the roll by turning the other direction, but the engine choked and seemed to say to me, “You idiot! What have you done?!” The jet ski flipped the both of us off (literally, and probably figuratively, too) and rolled belly-up.

“ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodscottyoubrokeitwhatdowedonow?!?!?!” Thalita was in a bit of a frenzy. I grabbed onto the bumper of the overturned craft and tried to pull myself onto its slippery underside, but not before slipping back off into the water. I tried again….then back in the water.

Third time’s the charm, right? I finally was able to reach all the way across the underside of the hull to grab the bumper on the opposite side, gave a little heave, and managed to flip it right side up.

As I climbed back on, I retrieved the key that was floating in the water. Then, standing on the opposite side, I pulled Thalita back on. After catching out breath, we laughed for a good, hard minute.

A nearby boater (and don’t forget the catamaran) was standing by, ready to offer assistance, but I gave him a thumbs-up and a wave, which he returned with a grin before moving on.

With a quick prayer of thanks, I depressed the START button. The engine coughed, and then settled back into a nice smooth purr, as if nothing had happened.

“I’m done for the day, how about you?” I asked Thalita.

“Haha! That was SO MUCH FUN!” She wrapped her arms back around me, and we headed back to the beach at a conservative pace.

I kill the engine as I drift onto the beach, and the owner comes up with a cheerful grin (he has no idea what happened) and says, “That’s ma mon and a good customah! Thanks for being a safe driver and not wreckin’ ma boat!”

180 NEW PHOTOS are up!

2009-02-12T21:56:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday to Meeee!

2009-02-04T13:35:00.007-05:00

It's official! I'm 23! I can't complain about getting old, especially since I'm pretty much the youngest crew member on the ship.

Today, I didn't wake up until about 11am. That was my birthday present to myself. We pulled into Curacao at 8am, but I decided that I wasn't going to do anything. The only options I had were to either (1) spend money I don't have, in a place I've already been, or (2) stay inside, eat free ship food, and sleep. Any guesses?

For lunch, I treated myself to a feast....at the Horizon Court Buffet. Yeah, I know. I treat myself well.

It's not uncommon for me to be an uninvited "guest" in Thalita and Camila's room. I'm not exactly uninvited, it's more like an implied invitation. Thatlita (youth staff) and Camila (photographer) were both off-work for the time being, so I showed up in their cabin. Thalita was working on fixing a bowl of Ramen for a snack (the 3-minute, hot water Cup Noodles). She also made myself a cup, telling me that it's my birthday dinner (which, in my opinion, is a WELCOME change from the Horizon Court Buffet). Dessert was a half-eaten package of chocolate that Thalita and Camila felt guilty about finishing off.

Ok, now, for real. That wasn't actually my dinner.

Dinner happened at 11pm in Horizon (which is our custom to do after a long day's work). Camila, Thalita, Nuno (photographer from Portugal) and Jeremy (a musician from the USA! GO USA! Side note: we are 2 of maybe 5 US citizens on the entire ship), and I all sat down in Horizon to have a late-night meal (nothing too glamorous, I don't even remember what I ate).

Nuno and Jeremy didn't know it was my birthday until just then, but then Jeremy jumped up and ran off to get me a piece of cake. He comes back with a triple-layer slab of artery-clogging chocolate mousse cake (which is something the passengers onboard our ship tend to enjoy, along with all the other "healthy" food choices available to us (NOTE TO MOM: I need a super-healthy, detoxifying meal when I get home!).

After "enjoying" my enormous piece of chocolate cake, (Jeremy doesn't know I don't care for chocolate), we all headed to my cabin, for an impromptu birthday celebration. It wasn't much, just Camila, Soraia (a slighty, eccentric, red-haired girl from Boutiques), Nuno, Jeremy, Vlatko, and myself.

Somehow, we got onto the discussion of my last name, and how I got it, but apparently, I was fuzzy on some of the details. Jeremy took it upon himself to poke holes in everything I said, at which point I gave up telling the story.

(Thinking back to that, how the heck did we fit that many people into that tiny cabin?) We just sat around and chatted for a couple hours. Camila asked me if I had called anyone at home today.

"Um, I'm supposed to call my family on my birthday?" I wasn't sure how I felt about me calling home, so my family can wish me a Happy Birthday. It's a little strange, don't you think?

"Then," Jeremy said, "you can find out the REAL story behind your name...since you, yourself don't even know it!"

"But I don't even have a phone card to....." I trailed off as Jeremy shot out of the room. Um. Ok.

He shortly came back with a new phone card that he hadn't even used (one that PCL supplied him with as a "Welcome Aboard" gift.)

Long story short, I [AND everyone else in the room] talked to Jillian and Mom AND I finally got the details of my family name right, along with some other great stuff that I'll have to write in another blog entry...

It's taken me THREE DAYS to finally write this entry. I'm exhausted. Goodnight.

---------------------------------------

By the way: I'd like to say Thank You to everyone what wished me a Happy Birthday! I'm sorry that I haven't had a chance to get back to any of you, but I've had more people this year, than any year up until now (and you know I have very limited recreational Internet access).

1100 men to run a ship, just ONE to stop it.

2009-02-01T15:02:00.014-05:00

Yesterday, I was out in Fort Lauderdale, killing time at the Galleria Mall. I had been hoping that my new phone was going to arrive that day, so I was waiting until the last minute to re-board the Grand.

It was about 3:15 when I decided to leave the mall. I figured I'd go for a walk. Sixth Star (my company) was only 2.5 miles away, so I figured that I'd take a stroll and hope that the delivery would arrive sometime before I had to leave (I really didn't want to wait another 14 days to get my phone, if it happened to come in today).

I had pulled up a Google Map online before I left the mall (Free WiFi! Wheeee!) and I stored it on my computer, then headed out on my adventure. After about 20 minutes, I thought, "This isn't right. I'm heading back towards the pier! Dangit. Pulling out my MacBook, sure enough, I'm heading the wrong direction.

On my way back, I called back Carol. I figured I'd let her know that I was coming. It was Friday, so I needed to make sure that they'd still be in the office. Turns out, everybody isn't gone until about 6pm (and the ship leaves at 6, so I'd be gone before then, anyways).

About 1/2-mile away from the office, my feet are killing me. I'm pretty sure I'm developing blisters, but there's not much point in stopping now, so I carry on.

I'm a quarter-mile away, and I'm limping at this point. I'm REALLY in pain, right about now.

I've arrived at the intersection where my building should be, but where is it? There's only a bunch of dumpy buildings and tra....oh. There it is. :oD There's a small 8.5x11" sign on an outside door of a very unassuming gray building.

Mmmm...a little sketch.

There's an open door with a hose trailing up a staircase. As I uneasily approach the door, I see a large company logo on a wall at the top of the stairs. When I get there, it looks like a warehouse. Finally, when I walk in further, it turns out to just be a minimalist, modern-ish, semi-hip kinda place.

I meet one of the employees, Emily, who greets me with a friendly smile and invites me to have a rest. I explain to her that I've been walking almost 3 miles in shoes not fit for long distances. It's 4:30, already, and I try to call a taxi (since I have to be back at 5, as the ship leaves at 6), but without much luck. BOTH Taxi service numbers are invalid, so I go to find someone who might know.

I peek around the corner of the nearest cubicle. I ask Paul about the taxi, and he offers to give me a ride back to the ship, as soon as he finishes.

On the way to Paul's car, I tell him that the ship leaves at 6, but it's probably okay, if I'm a few minutes late (it's 4:45 right now). Not wanting to risk any chances, he nearly runs two red lights on the way back to the port.

It's now about 10 minutes after 5. Not bad, considering. As I step out of the car, I hear the security guards yelling at me to hurry up.

'What's the deal?' I think to myself. 'The ship doesn't sail for another 50 minutes.'

As I walk into the terminal, I notice something that makes me very anxious.

There's nobody there.

As I come up to the security desk, one of the women's jaw drops. "OMG, boy, you in deep s**t! COME ON!" I chucked my stuff into the X-Ray machine and get a quick pat-down at the checkpoint.

She grabs me by the wrist and takes me out a back door. The SECO is running towards me, and definitely NOT with a smile on his face. "Forward gangway!" he barks.

As I head to the forward gangway, I'm met by 8 other officers, each one with their arms crossed in front of them. As I show my laminex to the first officer, he snatches it out of my hands and waves me inside.

"That's it." he says.

'That's WHAT?' I think to myself.

"Go on. That's all."

A visit from the boss...

2009-01-30T09:00:00.011-05:00

Today, my boss, Maria, was coming on board. She had never been on a Grand class ship in the Princess fleet, so this was her day.

She arrived at about 11am, with two packages that I had been expecting...well, PART of what I had been expecting. I had ordered my hair product (yes, I said, "PRODUCT") and Dad was sending me a WiFi phone for my birthday, that I would be able to use on the ship. The first package was the two containers of my hair clay....and the other was an envelope with the phone's memory card. Great. No phone. Sad day.

Maria then got a grand tour from Ben (the Senior Assistant Cruise Director) to see the accommodations that we enjoy as "guest lecturers". My boss always has to deal with a bunch of garbage from instructors that whine and complain about how small the cabins are, and how awful the arrangements are. Maria brought along two co-workers, one with a camera, so they could have on-record, pictures of the accommodations that we have on-board.

She first saw my cabin, one of the Officer's bunk-bed cabins, which really aren't that bad. There's plenty of space, and even some sitting room, a desk, a wardrobe, tons of drawer space, and a bigger bathroom than the crew members.

But Maria wasn't getting complaints about the bunk cabins. It was some of the older, more senior members of our company that had been used to having passenger cabins when they cruised for leisure. They were upset about the double-beds in the cabins (EXACTLY like the last cabin I have. There's pictures of them on Flickr).

When Maria stepped into the cabin, she took one look around, planted her foot and said, "That's IT! The next person that complains about their accommodations is fired!" (They should just put them in a crew cabin, with the wait staff and technicians. They get put FOUR to a cabin that's no bigger than my own!)

Following the tour, I asked Maria where we were eating. She made plans to eat on-board, in the buffet! Big spender. :o) (Love you, Maria!) Hmm, maybe this is why my paycheck didn't hit the bank this morning? I was supposed to be paid every two weeks, happening to be the day that I arrived in Fort Lauderdale every week. Not the BEST of timing, especially if I didn't have any money in my checking account.

While we were eating, I got stares from several of the wait staff that knew me. 'Who were these three beautiful ladies hanging out with Scott? I've heard of "a woman in every port", but he's got THREE!' I imagine they're thinking.

Following lunch, Maria and the girls were heading back to the office, and dropped me off at the Galleria mall. "Don't spend too much!" she said, before speeding away. How can I? I didn't get a paycheck!

As soon as she drove off, I felt my pockets for my phone. Uh-oh. What now? With a deep sigh, I walk into the mall, trying to find a payphone. How am I going to call her? I don't have her number. I left my PocketPC and iPod on the ship (BOTH with her number).

Well, not much else I can do right now, so what do I do? I head to the Apple Store to chill out. The first thing I see when I walk in...iPhones!

No, I'm not going to buy one, but you CAN make phone calls from the display models! GOOG-411, baby! I finally get my company's number and Carol picks up the phone (another SS employee). But Maria's already left from the office! What now?

"Can I call you back?" Carol asks.

"Umm...I'm on an iPhone in the Apple Store," I sheepishly say. "You might not be able to call me back."

"Call me back in 2 minutes." she says. The longest two minutes of my life are ticking away.

120 seconds later, I dial GOOG-411 (I still don't know the number) and I get Maria...but she doesn't have my phone. So, I dig through my bag again (I'm ALWAYS losing things in the overabundance of pockets), and it's actually in one of the mesh outside pockets!

Geesh, Scott. For real.

New Pics and a Short Story...

2009-01-26T15:59:00.002-05:00

***NEW PICTURES!!!***

So, the last two destinations were St. Thomas and St. Vincent, but this time, I went out with Camila, one of the Princess photographers. We've been sharing pictures a lot lately, since we don't always go out on port on the same days. But on these two destinations, we both went out to take pictures.

St. Vincent is VERY hard to take pictures of, since it's not the most attractive (or safest) of places. The only thing of note nearby is the open marketplace, so the day wasn't a complete loss. (see pics on Flickr)

In St. Thomas, Camila had ONE thing on her mind. She's been trying to buy a new digital SLR camera. She's been price shopping for the Canon 50D for quite some time, and it seems to be even cheaper in St. Thomas than in the US mainland (which is VERY odd).

Camila was wresting with the decision about making the purchase today, or waiting until she got her next paycheck. She had enough money to buy the camera and lens now, but then she'd have $10 to spare for the next five days.

Well, the wrestling match is over. Camila bought the camera. She runs a pretty aggressive bargain, too. On the US mainland. The Canon 50D and the 17-135mm lens runs $1399 at best. Camila fought the salesman down to $1300 even for the camera, the lens, a case, a memory card, and a UV filter!

No sooner than she walked out the door, she went to a high-end clothing store to celebrate the occasion. She immediately began assembling her camera IN THE STORE. She walked out with a huge grin and a huge camera in-hand.

Sure, she's broke now, but a 16MP Canon 50D is a small price to pay for lasting happiness.

***NEW PICTURES!!!***

"I READ YOUR BLOG!!!" (Nice to meet a fan...I think...)

2009-01-25T17:38:00.006-05:00

NEW PHOTOS TOMORROW!

Following the last blog entry, I got back down to the Internet Café with my laptop, and I was beginning to finish up some work for my next cruise schedule of classes.

I see a woman walk in from out of the corner of my eye. “Good evening.” I say to her. She doesn’t reply ‘Typical,’ I think to myself. Then I realize that she didn’t ignore me, she was just trying to figure something out.

“I KNOW you!” she exclaims, pointing a finger at me. Well, really, it helps to have my photo and bio plastered over all of the class’s publicity materials…on the table next to me. Oh, and my bright gold nametag, too.

“Do you?” I said, expecting a little bit more.

“You’re Scott Abraham!” she continued. I was still puzzled. Okay, good…good…she can read, which is saying a lot, considering most passengers come to me with my bio in-hand (with my picture, mind you) and say, “Is this you?”

“No, really! I READ YOUR BLOG!!!” she says, absentmindedly pointing at the table. What? Okay, this just got a little stranger. Did I totally go bonkers and put my blog info on my materials?

“Um, I don’t understand. How do you know about my blog online? I haven’t told anyone on the ship about that!” I’m really getting nervous. This might be a GAME OVER for me, since I’ve said some unsavory things about passengers before.

“I was reading around the web for information before I came on this cruise, and I stumbled across your blog! And I thought to myself, ‘This guy is interesting and his stories are really funny!’ So I just kept on reading! I’ve been following it for a while, and I’ve even read back to the beginning of your blog. You know, the point at which you were still excited about working on the ship!”

“Wow,” I say to her. “This is a first for me. I’ve never talked with a passenger that knew me before I knew them, much less, four months worth of my life.” (I CAN’T believe I’m about to use this line.) “It’s nice to meet a fan.*cringe* I guess I need to be more careful about what I’m writing about you, right?”

She had a good laugh, and I was much more at ease, knowing that it was actually working in my favor.

You know what they say about being careful about what you write in the Great Void that is the Internet...it'll get back to you, someday (and maybe to your employer). Fortunately, I had more pleasant results than some. :o)

(SIDE NOTE: Not a couple days ago, I had a person comment on one of my blog entries, saying that she is going to be a passenger on the Grand come the 30th of January. As if ONE person wasn't strange enough, try TWO within 2 WEEKS!)

NEW PHOTOS TOMORROW!

Yes, even Captain Carlton needs a Mac lesson....

2009-01-25T15:22:00.006-05:00

**Scott's Flickr Photostream**

Well, today was an eventful day (a slight understatement). You might recall me mentioning that I was contacted by Captain Nick Carlton in regards to his new Mac that he purchased right before Christmas. Well, today was the day of truth!

This morning, I was woken up with a cheery voice over the phone, “Hey, Scott. It’s the Captain. I’m sorry it’s taken me a while to get back to you, but I was wondering when you might have time for those lessons we talked about.”

I was still in a slight daze of stupor, since I had just rolled out of bed. “Yeah, um…sure…” I stammered, still a little confused at who I was talking to. I knew I was talking to someone important, but my brain was still booting.

“So,” he said, “when would be a good time for you?”
Right then, I snapped into reality, “Did you have time available this evening?” I replied.
“Yes, that would be wonderful. I have the sail-away at 6pm, but then, I’ll be back in my cabin for the rest of the evening.”
“At, say…seven-thirty?”
“Absolutely! See you then!”
“My pleasure, sir.”

We hung up, and I started making a list of things to teach him (we can’t have the Cap’n getting bored, now, can we?).

At 7:29pm, I arrived at his cabin and rang the doorbell.
“I’m over here!” he called from the next door down. “Come on in!”
I know it’s a shame for me to say this, but I thought he’d be taller. ;o) Captain Carlton was a man of about 5-foot-7-inches. Though he was originally from England, I was surprised to notice that he didn’t have much of a pronounced accent.

The captain offered me a glass of wine, which I kindly declined (I don’t drink alcohol). So, in its stead, he offered me an Italian soda, that apparently, the previous captain enjoyed quite well. ‘Sure,’ I thought to myself. ‘Why the heck not?’ It was a funky black 12oz can with a fancy-ish label. I popped the can, poured a little in a glass, and took a swig.

Shouldn’t have done that. It tasted so awful that I resisted swallowing. When I looked at the captain out of the corner of my eye, I quickly swallowed.

“What do you think?” he asked. When he saw my sheepish grin, and noticed that I had grimaced when I swallowed. “Not your thing, eh? Can I offer you something else? I suppose water’s a safe bet?” I nodded.

He came back with a bottle of water, and I graciously thanked him. He took a swig of the can, himself, and commented, “It tastes like Red Bull…” as he walked off into the other room. He then returned with another drink. It didn’t suit his taste, either.

So, as we sat down, we talked a little about what he wanted to be able to do with his computer. The GIST is that he was replacing a 7-year-old Dell Inspiron laptop that finally went up in smoke (laptops aren’t supposed to last more than about 3 years).

Anyways, blah-blah-buh-dee-blah-buh-dee-blah-buh-dee-boo… I’ve bored you enough.

At about 10:00pm, the Captain had everything he needed to know (which was a good thing, since we had been plugging away since 7:30), and as I packed up my things, the Captain asked me, “So, Scott, thank you very much. Is there anything that I can do for you? (ATTN: TRAVIS!!!) Have you had a chance to see the Bridge?”

HA! SCORE! Since October, I’ve wanted to be able to see all the things that even most crew members never got to see.

“I’d love that.” I replied enthusiastically. He still looked at me expectantly, “Anything else?”

“Well,” I continued, “if it’s possible, I’d really like to see the engine room, as well.”

“Absolutely!” he said. “I’ll talk with my chief engineer and arrange that. I’ll even give you a personal tour, myself, since I’ll have some time available.”

And there you have it, folks. Yours truly is getting a personal tour of the bridge and the engine room of the Grand Princess!

I left the Captain’s quarters about 10:10. I had just gotten down to the Internet Café, when I got a page from the Captain. I dialed him back.

“Scott! You forgot your laptop up here!”

Brief Blurb: Igor and his Macedonian jokes.

2009-01-19T21:39:00.006-05:00

Today, as I walked into the Officer mess, I was greeted, as usual by Cherry Lee (one of the Wait Staff), and Andrew (the supervisor). After ordering my entree, I headed towards the food line to pick something up as I waited for my food to come out.

As I poked through the choices on the line, I ran across one unusually familiar item. Nasi Goreng (which means, "Fried Rice" in Indonesian). Igor (another of the wait staff, who is just as tall and awkward as his name might suggest) strolls out of the kitchen and spots a grin on my face.

"Why you smile?" he says in his typically-broken English.

"Igor," I explained to him. "When you cook fried rice, you make an Asian man very happy."

Igor laughs and replies, "You know, we cook so much, ship can't run without fried rice."

"Why's that?" I ask.

He elaborates, "You think ship run on diesel? If we don't cook rice, Filipinos don't work. If Filipinos don't work, ship don't run. Ship run on rice."

Where would you like to be when the ship sinks?

2009-01-17T20:32:00.006-05:00

Well, it’s official! Head office found out that I had my own room, and they yanked it out from under me. As per my company’s agreement with Princess, I must share a cabin with the Internet Manager.

Now, before you start sobbing on my behalf (yeah, Jillian, I’m talking to you), I’d like to you know that I’m okay with it. I’ll make it through. I’ll tough it out. I’ll move on. I’ll bite the bullet. I’ll fjord the river. I’ll eat the worm. I’ll…okay, you get the idea.

…

So, this morning, weighed down with all of my belongings, I trudged out of Officer Cabin 4246…and nudged my way into Officer Cabin 4250.

Wait? What? That’s right. I’m STILL in an officer’s cabin. :oD Only two doors down, I’m going to be sharing a cabin with the new Internet Manager, Vlatko. And yes, I still have my porthole view.

I don’t have a double-bed anymore, but then again, I’m sharing a cabin with Vlat, so um…yeah, I don’t need to explain that.

Who’s Vlatko? He’s the new Internet Café Manager for MTN (Maritime Telecommunications Networks). He’s a pretty cool guy from Macedonia (and he has a cool accent), and he’s pretty funny in the “I’m-bad-at-making-American-jokes-because-I-don’t-understand-the-idioms” kinda way. :o)

I DO have ONE problem with my new cabin. The location.

“But Scott, it’s only two doors away!” you might say.

Well, the problem is that I am now on the OUTSIDE of the watertight door. Thanks, Practica.

Where is St. Thomas when you need him in St. Thomas? (12.29.2008)

2009-01-11T21:31:00.004-05:00

NEW PICTURES!!!

Delayed post from 12.29.2008

As you guys might know, I don’t like riding in busses packed full of tourists. It’s near impossible to get the photos you want, without having a tourist (or a tour guide) step into your picture. Then you have the hassle of “Everybody get out! Isn’t that amazing! Everybody back on!”, not to mention being poked and prodded on like cattle. So to avoid the herd, I rented a scooter for the day. This was the logical method of transportation, since taxis cost the same, AND you forfeit your stop-and-go privileges (not to mention, you have to know where you want the driver to take you).

What you might NOT know is that I haven’t ever actually driven a scooter before, which takes a little more than just a driver’s license and knowing how to ride a bike (which was about all the experience I had). Oh, also, in St. Thomas, they drive on the wrong (yes, I said, “WRONG”) side of the road.

So, anyways, I signed my forms and insurance waiver, grabbed a helmet and my keys and headed out to check over my scooter. The “WUSSI”. Wow. That was the make of the scooter. Any delusions of power and speed just got sucked into the air intake of the truck barreling down on me from behind as I puttered off into the fog (which was actually just the plumes of smoke from the dump truck I got stuck behind).

About 30 meters, and one curve later (wow, I’m already starting to talk in metrics!) I realized that I had no concept of balance (everything you learned riding your bike gets a little more complicated when you throw a 250cc four-stroke between your legs). And it really didn’t help that I had a sling-style laptop bag throwing me off balance.

At the first intersection, I saw the light turn yellow. I had plenty of time to pass through, but I decided against it, since I was new to this. So, I apply the handbrakes and…a lot of squeal…but not a lot of stop.

I finally came to a halt, right in the middle of the intersection. Not a great place to be. Not wanting to become road kill, I torqued the throttle and buzzed out of harm’s way. Thinking that this might not be the best thing to deal with, I went back to the scooter shop, and asked for a different scooter.

Another couple minutes and a brake-check later, I was back on the road and boldly back on my way to nowhere in particular. For the first 15 minutes or so, I took it easy on the Wussi, not going more than about 25 miles per hour. In my mirrors, I saw a sedan trying to pass me. So, as a courtesy, I flicked on my hazards and pulled off onto the gravel shoulder. I applied the brakes just a little too hard, and the back-end of the scooter shot out from under me, and into the ditch.

Ow. Am I dead? No. Am I hurt? My ego’s a bit bruised, but nothing too serious. Where’s my laptop? Still around my shoulder. Did anyone see? Everybody at the shop across the street. Anyone care to help? No? Okay. Thanks anyways. It’s the thought that counts. Ow.

A little jarred, I stood up, brushed the dirt off my dignity and pulled the scooter back on to the road. I zipped back up to speed and was on my way, again.

SPLAT! I got pelted in the face with something wet. ‘God, please, no bugs no bugs no bugs!’ Well, it wasn’t a bug. It was just rain. But when your only method of transportation is a scooter (which you haven’t ridden before), rain is not a good thing. And when you’re zipping along at a brisk 40-45 miles per hour (they’re one of a few islands that use miles-per-hour), not only are the road conditions dangerous, but the rain hurts!

The time is now 10:20am. It’s not even lunchtime, and I’m already miserable, bruised, and wet. As the rain begins to pour down harder, I arrive in the next town, and I pull into a McDonalds. I nearly drop the scooter, forgetting about the kickstand, but I finally gather myself together and dash inside.

I’m safe inside, but I’m dripping like a wet dog. I get a strange look from the manager at the counter. “Yeah, I know. “ I say to her. “Not a great day to rent a scooter.”

The rain finally subsides, so I scarf down the rest of my sausage-and-egg-biscuit, grab my helmet, and head out. Before I continue on my travels, I shoot over to Kmart to pick up a backpack to replace my previously destroyed laptop bag (read “My ATV Adventure in Mykonos”). While this does nothing for the driver-scooter balance issue, it does eliminate the driver-laptop bag balance issue.

The rest of the day goes something like this. 45mph shower. 50mph blow-dry. 45mph shower. 50mph blow-dry. 45mph shower. 50mph blow-dry. 45mph shower. 50mph blow-dry. 45mph shower. 50mph blow-dry.

Right as I’m about to arrive back in the town where I rented the scooter from, I hit some serious traffic. (Yes, I know what you’re thinking. I’m riding a scooter. I can go around the traffic. It really didn’t help, with the narrow lanes and gravel shoulders.) So, while I’m sitting in traffic, the sky darkens again.

oh crap.

Finally at about 3:30pm, I pull back into the scooter shop, still damp from the day’s rinse-and-dry cycles.

So, I ask again, “Where the heck is St. Thomas when you need him in St. Thomas?”

Oh, that’s right. He’s dead.

NEW PICTURES!!!

Late-night laughs...

2009-01-06T21:47:00.004-05:00

7:42pm

I noticed many people outside on the Promenade deck, so I went outside to see what the fuss was about. The MSC Orchestra (one of the other vessels in the dock) pushed away from the pier, and backed out towards the sea (there wasn’t much maneuvering space, with three massive cruise liners in the dock. As it nearly got out of the dock, there was a growling, burbling noise as the ship did a slow 180-degree turn to face out towards the sea.

“What’s that noise?” said a crewmember on the deck above me.

“Oh, that’s the Orchestra’s bow and stern thrusters, his buddy replied. “*sigh*...I miss that noise…”

The behemoth MSC sounded three long blasts from its horns (an indicator that it was reversing direction), and started churning up the water as it backed slowly towards the pier. There was a lot of chatter from the decks above, with people trying to figure out why the ship was heading back into dock.

“Maybe they’re doing a training exercise?” said one person.

“Maybe the captain is practicing parallel parking?” quipped another. An officer joined me out on the deck, and overheard the talk from above.

“Didn’t you hear?” the officer asked, “The captain forgot his iPod.” causing a bout of laughter from everyone in earshot.

“Hey! You’re going the wrong way!” shouted someone from the Grand. There was an unintelligible reply from the Orchestra, but it was still enough to make everyone howl in laughter.

Sure, passengers onboard were grumpy that they were missing out on La Romana, but at least they were getting a good laugh....

PICTURES GOING UP NOW!!!

The Princess Cays (pronounced “Keyes”)

2009-01-01T10:11:00.004-05:00

Well, I got a nice surprise today, as I got off the tender in the Princess Cays. The first thing I noticed was that there weren’t any other ships near the port. The next thing I noticed is that there wasn’t really any port to speak of.

When I got off the tender, there was a sign stating that the final departure for returning to the ship was for 3:30pm. This was highly unusual. We don’t normally leave a port until about 5 or 6pm.

On the beach, it seemed that there were only people from the Grand Princess! This was evident from the fact that every guest carried that hideous blue and white striped towel. The last thing that threw me was that the Princess Wait Staff was EVERYWHERE! They were serving drinks and food, just like they did on the ship.

What the HECK is going ON here?

Then it hit me. It wasn’t called the “Princess Cays” for nothing. This was a private island owned by Princess! The island was all of about 2 miles long, and there was nothing on land that wasn’t carried here from the ship.

Anyways, there wasn't a whole lot to do here. But it was VERY nice being away from traditional tourist locations. I mostly hung out with Trev and we worked on our "tans".

Oh, BTW. Trevor's from South Africa. Yup. He's black, and he's working on his "tan". I've not been able to figure that one out yet.

UPLOADING PICTURES NOW!

We live in a superficial, self-serving world....

2008-12-29T21:30:00.004-05:00

I found this on the "Compare People" Facebook application. I think this speaks for itself.

"If you want to use a different photo than the one on your Facebook profile ;)The most effective photos are the ones on which you are waving, winking, sending kisses...be as attractive as you can! Let people admire your photo, let them choose you for dating!"

Wow. outrageous.

How do you break a ship? Hire the contractors!

2008-12-29T12:54:00.005-05:00

Well, here’s an update on the status of our poor ship.
IT’S STILL OLD AND DECREPIT.

Okay, no, really. We came out of wet dock, and it seemed like the ship had some significant remodeling in several areas of the ship.

The first problem showed up on embarkation day, when we didn’t have any Internet access for the passengers. Which, if you even work a single day in an Internet Café, you’ll see that it can make for some very unhappy passengers.

This caused a problem for me. I don’t rely on the Internet for any of my classes, but I do need the Internet CAFÉ to have my classes in (and most importantly for my promotions, that’s where I have my complimentary lectures). Since Trevor needed to have the Café empty (to try and fix the problem in peace), he locked the doors. Unlucky for me, I was unable to have my Computers@Sea Open House and Free Lecture. I didn’t know until later how much this would really affect my revenue.

Now, the REAL problem reared its ugly head when we had to dock in Bonaire (the first destination since wet dock. The problem was, we COULDN’T DOCK! The ship’s bow and stern thrusters were inoperable, and for those of you who haven’t already figured this one out…it makes it very hard to dock a ship grossing over 109,000 tonnes! After calling in the services of two of the local port’s tugboats…we got bumped and shimmied towards the pier without too much fuss.

In St. Vincent, we didn’t have the luxury of tugboats to help maneuver us into the dock, so we had to tender with some of our lifeboats to bring the passengers ashore.

This morning, as we arrived in St. Thomas, my wake-up-call consisted of a “Good Morning Bump” against my outside wall. And another. And another. And another. This was followed by a metal-and-rubber-on-metal grinding noise.

I got out of bed, figuring that I’d see the dock about 15 feet down, outside of my porthole. More than half-naked, I pulled myself up to have a look out the window to see if we had arrived. “Wow,” I thought, Today, I was not fortunate enough to have a porthole view of St. Thomas. Instead, I was greeted with a friendly wave from a man standing on the top deck of a tugboat, right outside of my porthole. I waved back, with my lousy effort of a morning smile, and promptly closed my portholes, so I could get dressed with dignity.

Stuck in St. Thomas...

2008-12-29T12:42:00.001-05:00

We should’ve left already by 6pm, now it’s nearly 8 and we still haven’t departed. Apparently the tugboat that brought us in this morning broke down. Tonight’s journey was supposed to be an all-night full-speed run to La Romana, but since we’re already two hours behind, with no prospect of the thrusters working, or the tugboat getting fixed on time, it looks like we’re going to have to skip the destination for this cruise.

I noticed many people outside on the Promenade deck, so I went outside to see what the fuss was about. The MSC Orchestra (one of the other vessels in the dock) pushed away from the pier, and backed out towards the sea (there wasn’t much maneuvering space, with three massive cruise liners in the dock. As it nearly got out of the dock, there was a growling, burbling noise as the ship did a slow 180-degree turn to face out towards the sea.

“What’s that noise?” said a crewmember on the deck above me.
“Oh, that’s the Orchestra’s bow and stern thrusters, his buddy replied. “*sigh*...I miss that noise…”

The behemoth MSC sounded three long blasts from its horns (an indicator that it was reversing direction), and started churning up the water as it backed slowly towards the pier. There was a lot of chatter from the decks above, with people trying to figure out why the ship was heading back into dock.

“Maybe they’re doing a training exercise?” said one person.
“Maybe the captain is practicing parallel parking?” quipped another. An officer joined me out on the deck, and overheard the talk from above.
“Didn’t you hear?” the officer asked, “The captain forgot his iPod!” causing a bout of laughter from everyone in earshot.
“Hey! You’re going the wrong way!” shouted someone from the Grand. There was an unintelligible reply from the Orchestra, but it was still enough to make everyone howl in laughter.

Christ is alive onboard the Grand Princess!

2008-12-24T15:14:00.004-05:00

Tonight, was wondering how the festivities were going to be happening. I was sure that we were going to have a politically-correct “Holiday” ceremony in the Atrium. I know that, at home, if you are going to attend any “Holiday” event, you’re asking for trouble when you sing Christian “Christmas Songs”:
“You’ll offend people of other religions!”
“You’re asking for a lawsuit!”
“You have to say, ‘Happy Holidays!’ or ‘Happy Chrismahannukwaanzaca!’, not ‘Merry Christmas!’”

Well, was I in for a surprise! I was wrapping up work in the Internet Café, when I heard, “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing! Glory to the newborn King, Peace on earth and mercy mild, God and sinners reconciled! Joyful all ye nations rise, join the triumph of the skies! With the angelic host proclaim, Christ is born in Bethlehem!”

I about lost myself in tears right there, as I went out into the Atrium. Never have I seen and heard so many people praising the birth and name of Jesus Christ outside of a church setting! For this short while, passengers and crew alike put aside their complaints and problems, and stood before the Lord in glorious praise!

This cruise was different than any of our previous cruises. Previous cruises I was constantly under the pressure of being the example for passengers and crew alike, as it didn’t seem that many of them had the fire of God in their lives. I was feeling emotionally and spiritually drained and I really needed a break from it all. Tonight, I felt Christ onboard, not only within my close friends, and myself, but all throughout these passengers on the Grand Princess, as well!

In a way, I’m glad that I am drifting in the Caribbean for Christmas. Yes, I miss being able to come home to family and others I love. Yes, I miss my church, and the fellowship I have with my like-minded peers. I miss even the simple things, like being able to pick up the phone and call other people. But when you’re on the high seas, you don’t HAVE the oppression of having to be “politically-correct”. You don’t HAVE to worry about someone getting offended and filing a lawsuit against you for blasphemy! Given the very nature of the international crew and passengers (as well as our separation from land), politics are thrown overboard, and people are free to come as they are!

MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!!!!

--Now, how Santa Claus is coming, I don’t know. The only fireplace I have seen is the one that Princess is broadcasting on my cabin TV. Down the smokestack, maybe? Someone better show him the way in, lest he go down the incinerator stack.

The new cabin...

2008-12-21T11:53:00.007-05:00

NEW PICTURES!!!

This morning was a great start for my day. I had a GREAT night’s rest in my new cabin (I’ve got an Officer cabin with a double bed and two portholes all to myself!) and I was ready to take on the world! Well, not until I got rid of the pervasive morning breath that I could even smell on MYSELF!

I first thought that I’d take a shower to freshen up before classes. I twisted the shower knobs and I jumped in. Not a second later, I jumped right back out, as the previous room tenant hadn’t flushed out the super chlorinated water as per the wet dock maintenance procedures. I didn’t get out quite quick enough, before I got a blast of super chlorinated water in the face. Not terribly pleasant.

Not two days before, I had heard rumor that the ship was running out of their onboard freshwater supply. All I can figure is that they must’ve decided to pump the pools dry to send water to our showers and sinks.

NEW PICTURES!!!

Meeting my boss in Ft. Lauderdale...

2008-12-20T14:00:00.011-05:00

NEW PICTURES!!!

So, after gawking at my cabin, I got things packed away as quickly as I could. After going through the mess they call “immigration”, I was able to catch a cab to the local Galleria Mall to do some shopping! On my way there, I decided to call my boss, who works not even ten minutes away from the port. We arranged that we were going to meet for the first time at the Starbucks across from the mall entrance.

Upon arriving at the mall, I headed straight across the street to the Starbucks. The bells chimed as I went through the door, and several people glanced in my direction (none of them with a smile), so I figured that it was safe to say that my boss wasn’t here yet. I got myself a grande Vanilla Bean Frappuccino, then sat my stuff down, facing the door and waited patiently for my boss to arrive.

A good bit of time went by (over ten minutes), and I had been watching each car as it pulled into the parking lot, trying to see if I could take a guess at what my boss looked like. (Some of you might not know that I got hired without much more than a single long telephone interview.

Several women had walked into the store and greeted me with a smile (yes, I know they were looking at me because I was in a corner…nobody behind me). I figured I’d wait it out a little bit longer, as I’m pretty my boss had seen my picture in my biography that I submitted for the cruise.

Maybe I should call her, I thought. If she’s here, I’ll hear her phone ring and see her answer it! As I pulled out my phone, I got a call. It was her. “Where are you?” she asked. I told her that I was at Starbucks. “Where?”

By this time, I had noticed a woman outside on the patio talking on her cell phone.

“Where are you?” I asked her.

“I’m here outside, looking for you!” I saw her mouth the words and heard them a second later over the phone. Yup. It was her…

It was strange. This is the first time I've met my boss, but I've known her for nearly 5 months! We practically picked up as if we'd always known each other!

We caught up on new changes in the Computers@Sea program, and also discussed some options for future classes. We also discussed a new pilot idea for the company with "Live Web Curriculum" in which we could actually have Internet access for the passengers. This would open up a whole new world of classes that we could teach. (If you didn't know, currently, I don't have Internet access for any of my classes, so teaching eBay is pretty much out of the question).

The rest of the day was spent simply by going shopping (my boss was more than happy to escort me everywhere I needed to go, since it was considered "company time".)

Sorry for the abrupt stop, but that's all I have time to share for now! Ciao!

NEW PICTURES!

UPDATE: Cabin change not so bad...

2008-12-20T04:00:00.009-05:00

NEW PICTURES!!!

Here’s a continuation of yesterday’s blog in regards to the change in my room assignment:

Well, today, I got my room reassignment and my key, so the first thing I did was to scope out my room, and find out who my new cabin mate was.

My cabin number was 4246, meaning that I was forward on deck 4. I trudged through the halls with my key in hand. As I passed through the crew hallways, I noticed the numbers PO 4222, PO 4224, PO 4226, and cringed at how close the doors were together (they had the crew packed in there like sardines, sometimes four to a cabin).

I had some difficulty trying to find the cabin, as there seemed to be a lapse in room numbers. Did Practica make a mistake and send me to some phantom room? (Just to be sure, I checked the hall closets to make sure that they weren’t numbered, as well.) I paced back and forth about three times before I noticed a watertight door that led into another hallway that was out of the way of the regular crew quarters. I was getting closer and closer to my number, and I noticed that the room designations had changed from PO to OF. What this meant, I didn’t know. But I found my cabin number OF 4246. I realized that “OF” actually stood for “Officer”! I was staying in an officer’s cabin (I’m technically ranked as a two-stripe officer, above the majority of the crew onboard)!

I fumbled with my key as I tried to get it into the lock (BTW, this is a real metal key! No longer do I have to worry about demagnetizing my keycard with my magnetic nametag! This happened at least twice a week, and some of the pursers were getting irritated at constantly having to issue me a new card.)

As I opened the cabin, my jaw dropped.

The cabin was the same size as the passenger cabin that I had to share with Trevor, but this one had a single double-bed with two night stands, a desk with ample shelving, a ledge around the bed, for little things like the phone and an alarm clock, as well as having a small seating area and table! There was a full wardrobe for hanging my clothes, as well as built-in drawers under the bed for additional storage! And I don’t have to share the cabin! This was SO MUCH BETTER than I could’ve imagined

Oh, and one more detail. I HAVE TWO PORTHOLES on the bow of the ship! Even when my family went on their cruise, they didn’t even have an outside cabin! This definitely makes things MUCH more manageable (especially considering I’m going to be here for another 6 months (hopefully, but unlikely, I’ll get to stay here for the majority of that time!).

NEW PICTURES!

Out of Wet Dock...Cabin Change? AGHHHH!!!!!

2008-12-19T11:10:00.007-05:00

NEW PICTURES!!!

Over the week in wet dock, there were countless contractors onboard the Grand that were doing repairs from reupholstering furniture, to putting down new carpet, to fixing piping that broke in the “Poseidon Incident” that I wrote about earlier. We were also due for getting a new satellite receiver (and hopefully, a faster Internet connection, as well).

Yesterday, while we were returning from wet dock in the Bahamas, the bridge made an announcement that they were going to clean the water tanks with super chlorinated water. The asked that everyone onboard (keep in mind, there are NO PASSENGERS onboard at this time) would go to their staterooms and help to flush the chlorinated water out by running the sink and the shower. So, while I was watching a movie in my stateroom, I turned on the water and let it run for a while.

Man, the guys really dosed that water a little heavily, as I could smell it throughout my cabin. I had to run the water for a good 10 minutes (and open the cabin door) before the smell finally dissipated.

Later that day, I got a message from Practica (the guy that makes the room arrangements for passengers), saying that I would be changing cabins. There was a new golf professional that was coming onboard, and Trevor would be rooming with him in the passenger cabin. At the time, Practica told me that he didn’t know where I was going to be relocated, only that I had to pack up my stuff to relocate the next morning!

Where would I be heading? I didn’t know I had already gotten to “enjoy” Trevor’s company (as he wasn’t a half-bad roommate), and I hated to think about the awful situations that I might get tossed into. I had visions of being tossed in a crew cabin with bunks, with someone that was rude and crass, who would always go out to the crew bar, and come in drunk late at night, and quite possibly bring back a girl (or a guy) back into the room for…well…nevermind. The point is, it’s not the first time that would’ve happened on a ship. With my luck, I’d end up on deck three, either right in the front, above the bow thrusters, or right on the back, right above the engine room.

I’ll fill you in on more of the details tomorrow….we’ll see how my luck holds out.

NEW PICTURES!!!

A day at Lucaya Beach...

2008-12-16T11:20:00.006-05:00

***NEW PICTURES!***

Today, Trevor, Vanessa, and I decided to rent a car and head out to a remote beach on the other side of the island of Freeport. Trevor had located the Lucaya Beach, way out of the way of tourism, and suggested that we spend our day there.

The strange thing about the Bahamas is that they drive on the left side of the road, but they have left-hand drive cars (probably since it’s much cheaper to import cars from the USA). The difficulty here was that, the USA is left-hand drive on the right side of the road, and South Africa (where Trevor and Vanessa are from) is right-hand drive on the left side of the road. So we thought things out, and we figured that, since traffic laws are usually the hardest to figure out, Trevor might be better off driving (and the Bahamas, like the USA, require you to be 25 to rent, whereas nearly any other country doesn’t really care one way or the other).

So, Trevor took on the responsibility for our lives into his hand (and gave up a $500 deposit for insurance reasons). When he got in the car he looked down and said, “Um, I’ve never driven an automatic before…”

“And that’s a problem?” I asked. I briefly explained to him that it was quite similar, just easier. He kept on trying to press down on the clutch (which there was none), tried shifting into Neutral before starting (which you can’t do), and then tried feathering the throttle as he backed out of the rental lot (which thankfully wasn’t that hard for him). He was confused with the fact that an automatic transmission car keeps on pulling, even when you’re not pressing the gas (because of the torque converter).

Fortunately, after figuring this all out, Trev, Vanessa, and I were on our way to Lucaya Beach. With the map, I was the navigator (since Trev didn’t know how to read a map). We did great, up until we ran out of map. The rental lot’s map didn’t cover the entire island, so we had to make do with our best sense of direction, which was hindered when we discovered no bridge where there should have been one. With a lot of uneducated guesses, and several wrong turns, we finally found the parking for the beach, which was about a 1/4mile from the beach.

We arrived on the beach at about 11:00am and found that we had the entire beach to ourselves! We had a great time, simply relaxing on the beach. Trev and Vanessa said that they needed to work on their tans…and I just told them to shut up. :o) Love ya, guys.

After taking a nice, long nap in the sun, Vanessa and I grabbed the camera and ran back out on the beach to take some pictures for her to send back to Sam (who she adoringly refers to as “The One I Love”, including one of her writing “I Love You, Sam!” in the sand. Vanessa frequently compliments me on my talent as a photographer, but she really doesn’t give herself enough credit. (I must say, she took some GREAT pictures of me, as well! ;o))

We then sat down on the sandbar and chatted about everything, friends, family, plans for the future, everything. We stayed out at the beach until about 5pm, as which point we figured that we’d go and get something to eat in the marketplace (we hadn’t eaten anything yet, today, besides some crackers and snacks that we had brought along). We finally got back to the ship around 7, concluding the most relaxing day that I’ve had since the beginning of my contract.

I’m not imagining that I’ll be too willing to go back to work after a great day like today, but I’ll take what I can get. ;o)

NEW PICTURES!

And the onslaught begins....

2008-12-15T11:42:00.003-05:00

Today, I woke up with a headache by the screeching and squealing of a circular saw just at the end of my hall. Not to mention, I woke up sweating because they had just cut off the A/C for the duration of wet dock. So I went to take a shower and get ready to head on land when I realized that we had no hot water, either! Apparently, they were making efforts for energy conservation to control their running costs while they weren’t handling any passengers.

I wasn’t sure if I was being brave, or just plain stupid, but I jumped in the shower anyways. Just stepping under the shower head, I nearly had the air knocked out of me, much like what happens when you jump into a cold pool. The worst thing about it is that it actually takes longer to take a cold shower, because the soap doesn’t lather up really well.

Sorry for the short post, but when I have something more interesting, I'll post that up. See ya, guys and gals!

Arrival in Wet Dock

2008-12-13T14:41:00.001-05:00

Last night, we pulled into wet dock in Freeport, Bahamas for repairs. You probably didn’t notice in the pictures, but the ship is getting old (10 years old, now) and is internally in pretty poor shape. So throughout the wet dock, we’re going to have several more contractors onboard, sawing and hammering and drilling, and otherwise just creating a lot of noise.

What does this mean for me? This means that I get to hang out on land for SIX DAYS as they make repairs! Many crew are booking hotels on land to get away from the noise (as well as for some other reasons, too), but I’ll be staying on the ship for money reasons (which is why I’m here in the first place).

No sooner than we pulled into dock, the contractors started tearing up the carpet, rebuilding furniture, and remodeling and making a huge racket. The medical center got moved up from deck 4 to deck 5, just down the hallway from my cabin. Fortunately, I’m pretty far away from the racket of the remodeling, but it’s still a huge inconvenience to be stuck on the ship while sawdust is flying and the smell of burnt wood drifts through the hallways.

A change in plans....

2008-12-13T09:08:00.003-05:00

Hey everyone!

Good news! I'm in Ft. Lauderdale until December 19th! But with this good news comes bad news.

When I first signed on with Sixth Star, I had been told that the contracts would range from 3 to 5 months. This first contract was to be three months (from Oct 16th to Jan. 16th. I had asked my boss if it was possible to do a longer contract, to which I got a seemingly definite “no”. Anyways, it’s not two months into my contract. I’ve already negotiated my new contract with my boss (from Feb 27th to May 16th). This would leave me with a 6-week break between two very short contracts. So I contacted my boss about a longer contract. At this rate, I’d never have enough money to get back to school in Fall of 2009 (like I had planned). Anyways, I didn’t seem to have much choice in the matter.

Two days ago, I got a call from my boss, asking me about extending my contract to June 13th, to which I thought, “Yes! Another month on my contract!” Then my boss corrected my misunderstanding. It wasn’t a 1-month extension on my Feb 27th contract…it was a 5-month extension to this contract!

This shocked me a bit. I wasn’t prepared for this. I had plans! I was looking forward to going home to family for my birthday! Visiting with friends! Seeing my brother in Kentucky! Why did this have to happen NOW???

I struggled with this for a bit, trying to see the big picture in it all. That’s when God slapped me up the side of the head and said, “You ASKED for this! I GAVE it to you!”

I forgot about that. I had asked for it. I got what I wanted. Sure, the timing was inconvenient for what I wanted to do. But it can’t get much less than ideal than it already is. I’m missing the entire holiday season. I missed Thanksgiving. I don’t get to go home for Christmas. I’ll miss New Years’. Now I don’t even get to go home for my own birthday, Singles’ Awareness Day (Valentine’s Day), or Easter!

But the big picture is this. The only way I could return to school was to work on the ship pretty much the entire time until Fall 2009. If this hadn’t happened, then I’d have to delay school longer. I’d stay in debt longer. I’d be that much further from my graduation date.

So, I’ve decided that I have to flip my thinking around and count my blessings.

1. I’m going to be able to fix a great deal of my debt.

2. I’ll be able to focus on school, and I won’t have to worry as much about finances, or working to “keep my head above the water”.

3. This will be 5 more months that I don’t have to pay rent or food costs.

4. I’ll have more opportunities to see the world!

5. I’ll have more opportunities to share Christ with others! (A cruise liner is one of the best places to find lost people).

I’ve finally rested on the fact that this is going to be the wisest decision for me to make, in the long run, and for the best investment in my future. I hope you guys can forgive this misunderstanding. I'm sorry that I won't be able to come and visit any of you like I had planned, but I hope you understand.

Really love you all,

Scott

(I'll have my cell phone on all week, if you want to contact me) :o)

New Pictures from Dominica!

2008-12-11T00:55:00.003-05:00

NEW PICTURES FROM DOMINICA (Caribbean)!

STORY TO COME SOON!

NEW PICTURES!!!

2008-12-10T11:20:00.002-05:00

Hey guys! I'm sorry that I didn't have time to write anything, but the good news is that I've got some great new pictures!

NEW PICTURES!!!

Like Birds Hitting a Glass Window…

2008-12-04T15:01:00.002-05:00

Today marked our crossing of the Equator on our way across the Atlantic. As momentous as an occasion it was…it also came with the headache of some very unhappy passengers in the Internet Café. The MTN satellite that supplies the Internet connection to the ship is directly over the Equator. If your name is Paul, Brandon, David, Chris, or you simply just understand how parabolic dishes work, you might be able to understand the idea of the “keyhole effect” in which there is a blind spot directly underneath an orbiting satellite (much in the same way that we humans have a blind spot right in the center of our eyes, where the retina meets the optic nerve).

Now, after you looked up “keyhole effect” on Wikipedia, you’ll have a complete understanding of what our passengers cannot grasp.

Trevor came up to me today, frustrated with the abundance of outrageous accusations. “Man, it’s like everyone just became an IT professional overnight!”

FAQs:

Q1: “If we’re directly under the satellite, shouldn’t the signal be really strong?”

A1: See “Keyhole Effect” on Wikipedia.

Q2: “Our satellite TVs in our staterooms still work! Why doesn’t the Internet?”

A2: TV satellite connections aren’t nearly as volatile. But you still get interference on them as well. Our TV connections use a different satellite.

Q3: “We have a satellite connection at home, and it’s not nearly this slow!”

A3: Is your hometown a quarter-mile-long steel superstructure, floating out in the middle of the Atlantic?

Q4: “This is big waste of our money!”

A4: Stop wasting your money.

Q5: “This is UNACCEPTABLE! I want to speak to the Captain!”

A5: Okay, when would be a the most convenient time for you?

So, our solution to the problem? Trevor locked up the Internet Café after all of my class attendees had arrived, and posted this sign on the door:

Due to our position on the Equator, our satellite Internet connection is currently down. This is due to the fact that we are currently directly underneath the satellite in a dead spot. The Internet Café will re-open when the connection is restored. Thank you.

“Good morning, folks! Today we’re going to have a blast learning how to use Windows Movie Maker to edit your ((**THUNK!**))….um, just a second folks.” I say, as I go to unlock the door.

There’s a passenger at the door rubbing his noggin and impatiently tapping his feet. As I open the door, this is the greeting I receive:

“Is the Internet working?”

“No, sir.” I say, gesturing to the sign. “Because of our current position, the Internet connection is currently down.”

“When will it be working?”

“I’m not sure. We’re currently in a dead spot, so I wouldn’t expect it to be working before this evening.”

“Oh.”

Re-locking the door I take my seat again. “Okay, the first step to creating your home movie is to ((**THUNK**)...pardon me, folks.”

“Is the Internet working?”

“No, Ma’am.)” I say, gesturing to the sign. “Because of our current position, the Internet connection is currently down.”

“When will it be working?”

“I’m not sure. We’re currently in a dead spot, so I wouldn’t expect it to be working before this evening.”

“Oh.” And she walks away.

Sitting back down. “…okay, the first thing to do is to capture the video from your MiniDV video camera. Now, with today’s new hard drive camcorders, you can skip this long and boring process, and just go ah— ((**THUNK**))… um, go ahead and import the videos straight from your camera….”

(15 minutes later….)

“Now that you’ve gotten the music into your movie, you can adjust the levels of the video’s sound in relation to the ((**THUNK**)) music that you just imported. You’ll see here on the left hand side a small button with a ((**THUNK**)) small slider…”

This is starting to make me lose my composure. Not because I’m mad, but because I, and everyone else in the class, am laughing every time another person walks into the locked door.

The thing that amazes me most is not that people don’t stop to read the sign. No, the amazing thing to me is that people don’t take time to read the sign as they are peeling their face off of the glass door.

***NEW PICTURES!

Drunken Stowaway Cricket!!!

2008-11-30T17:16:00.002-05:00

Jessica, Kelly, and I had just gotten finished with some late-night pizza (we both get done with work about the same time). As we were heading back towards the elevators from the top deck, we were befuddled when we heard a cricket chirping. How the heck did a cricket manage to get onboard?

We followed the sound and tracked it down to a Foster’s beer can that someone had carelessly discarded near a deck drain. The cricket was INSIDE the beer can, apparently having a great deal to sing about.

MEET THE CREW!

2008-11-30T17:15:00.002-05:00

CABIN STEWARDS

Kanit – Cabin Steward (Philippines) – Kanit is the first of the Princess Staff that I had a chance to meet. I was cheerfully greeted in the hallway on my way to my cabin. He was my cabin steward for my first four cruises, and he never missed a beat. He always had the beds made, the laundry delivered and returned, the shampoo and soap stocked, and everything neat and tidy. He even remembered which kind of chocolate I preferred after turning down my bed. It wasn’t 30 seconds from when I paged him that he showed up at my door, eager to help. He has a wife and 3 kids at home in the Philippines.

Dumitri – Cabin Steward (Ukraine) - Dumitri is my new cabin steward for the remainder of the cruise. He’s a little scatterbrained, but VERY helpful. He tries very hard at everything he does, since he just got promoted from a pool-boy position.

OFFICER’S MESS WAIT STAFF

Andrew – Head of Officer Wait Staff (England) - This tall, lanky fellow is currently the supervisor of the Staff Mess, the Crew Mess, and the Officer’s Mess. He has been working for cruise liners for the last 10 years. He’s about 50-ish, and looks an awful lot like Liam Neeson.

Maxium – Officer Wait Staff (Ukraine) – Max has an impeccable memory for my likes and dislikes on the ship’s menu, as well as my dessert preferences.

Valentina – Officer Wait Staff (Ukraine) – Valentina is a very soft-spoken person, who I never even heard speak until my second week onboard. She’s a very private person, but will always greet you with a brilliant smile.

Lilja – Officer Wait Staff (Ukraine) – Lilja is extremely studious and efficient at her job, always clearing the plates as soon as you set down the fork, and being ready with the next course. She looks a LOT like Kirsten Dunst (only a bit shorter).

PURSERS - The front desk, catch-all complaint handlers.

Vanessa – Assistant Purser (South Africa) – Vanessa always makes my day better. She’s a very cheerful, yet very reserved personality. Her English is very proper and always respectful to everyone. She’s has never lost her temper with a passenger (and these passengers can push the limits), and she’s an extremely convicted Christian and firm in her beliefs. She has a wonderful sense of humor and a giddy [yet somehow still proper] laugh. I can always count on her to see the brighter side of things.

Kelly –Assistant Purser (Brazil) – Kelly has been a tremendous help throughout my cruise. She arrived on the ship the same day that I did, and has signed her first six-month contract with Princess (I’m on for three). About 1 week into her job, she realized that she couldn’t handle dealing with the constant abuse from pompous passengers. She’s been managing very well, though, since then, but she’s already decided that this job (and her Hotel Management degree) isn’t the path that she wants for her life. She has a dazzling smile and has a heart of gold for everyone (even the passengers that disrespect her). She’s also responsible for me being able to obtain my Brazilian Visa and keep me from getting booted off the ship, when the rest of the crew administration didn’t care enough to try.

Jessica – Assistant Purser (Argentina) – Jessica is a bucket of laughs. And she always has a smile. She’s very good at her job and very respectful of passengers, while not allowing them to belittle her and the service she provides. I’ll be sad to see her leave, at the end of this cruise.

MUSICIANS

Savu – Musician (Canada) – Savu is actually from Romania. He’s phenomenal with the accordion, and I get to hear him every other night in the Atrium, right outside the Internet Café.

Jojo – (Canada) – this jolly green giant resembles a bouncer and seems intimidating at first, but he’s actually a very friendly and open-minded individual.

OTHER STAFF:

Doc Farouk – Ship Doctor (South Africa) – Doc is a hoot. He’s always got a funny story to tell. He’s not only a great doctor, he’s also a surprisingly astute computer geek. When he’s not working or telling jokes, he’s organizing LAN parties for the crew computer gamers around the ship.

Ana – “I-Scream” Girl (Unknown) – Ana is the ice cream girl that’s always on the upper deck, running the ice cream counter and making popcorn for the Movie Under The Stars. She’s pretty much behind that counter all day long. I don’t know much about her, but she always greets me with a friendly wave and a big smile.

Daniela – Wait Staff (Croatia) - Daniela and I met offshore in Dubrovnik, Croatia. She was part of the wait staff for the ship. Strangely enough, she’s actually from Croatia. When we arrived in Dubrovnik, she gave me a tour of the old town area and told me all the great places to see. She just recently left the ship and went home to her fiancée, and is soon to be married.

STEAK ATTACK!

2008-11-29T13:26:00.005-05:00

Tonight, I ordered the 12oz sirloin steak in the Officer’s Mess. I ordered the steak done medium, but they didn’t do a great job. I tried cutting through the steak with the blunt butter knife that they give us. With a shriek, the steak jumped off the plate and nearly ate ME for dinner. The steak nearly landed in my lap, but didn’t manage to miss my brand new H&M shirt.

With grease splattered down my shirt, I made my way into the kitchen to wash it out. I decided not to waste my time, and I pulled off my shirt and ran down to the laundry on deck 2 and had it washed immediately (“You took off your shirt???”). I tried to ignore the stares as I headed back to my cabin (“Did you have another shirt on underneath?”). As I got back to my stateroom, I took a quick shower and changed into a new shirt. ("TELL ME!!!")

When I got back to the Officer’s Mess, Andrew asked if I wanted another steak.

“Sure, if you can pick a slightly less aggressive piece.”

“You know what, Andrew? I’ll have the Veal Cordon-Bleu. Don’t bother with the steak.” I wasn’t taking any chances.

He had the meal out in record time and placed it in front of me. “This good?” he asked.

I took a fork and stabbed the veal, leaving the fork sticking straight up. I waited a second before answering, “Yeah, it’s good. Thanks, Andrew.”

(They tell me that it was MYSELF that shrieked, and that I threw the steak, but I already told my story, and I think my version is better.)

MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: Brazilian Visa

2008-11-28T14:52:00.003-05:00

Today was pretty wild. I left the ship at 8am and caught at cab from the port to the train station (the taxi service gouged us for $30 for a 7-minute ride). Once we got to the train station, we changed money and paid 8 bucks a person for a two-way first-class ticket. The train took us 1 hour to travel 100km from Casablanca to Rabat. When we got to Rabat, we took a $3 ride in the Petit Taxi (which was a ironically a four-seat FIAT Uno hatchback) to the Brazilian Consulate (15 minutes away).

When we got to the consulate, they were surprised that there were 8 people, as they only expected to see three of us. For this, they needed more documentation that we didn’t have.

We tried to contact the ship via cell phone, but none of us knew the country code. We tried asking the consulate staff, but they didn’t understand the question. (TECHIE NOTE!) Finally, I was able to pull the country code from a VOIP phone application (Internet phone) that I had previously been running in Windows XP under a Virtual Machine on my MacBook. Fortunately, I had a screenshot of the VOIP phone number, as the application crashed as soon as I resumed the VM.

We finally got in contact the port agent, who ran his cell phone to the First Purser. One Captain’s signature and a two-hour drive later, someone from the ship arrived with the necessary information. It then took a couple hours to process all of our passports. Only one of us failed to obtain a visa. The Brazilian. We arrived back in the Casablanca train station at 6:45pm. We were worried that we were going to get gypped by the taxi drivers again, since they knew we were in a rush. The three cabbies talked with each other and settled for 5 bucks per cab. We piled into the cars and the taxi peeled out of the taxi stand…

…then just as quickly got stuck in some traffic. The cabbie made some close calls in traffic and cut several people off, then pulled a detour and roared toward the port. After passing a security checkpoint, we blew a tire, and our little blue FIAT Uno limped the rest of the way into the docking area.

With our stamped passports held proudly, we finally boarded the Grand Princess at 6:55pm (ship was leaving at 7)!

UPDATE ON VISA SITUATION:

2008-11-27T14:02:00.002-05:00

Here’s an update on the standing of my visa situation

As you might know, I’ve had a “little” problem with my Brazilian visa. More specifically, I don’t HAVE a Brazilian visa. The Grand Princess is arriving to Fortalezza on December the 5^th. About 3 days ago, I received word that I needed to be moved to the crew list (I’m considered a passenger, normally). For that, I needed to apply for a manual called the “SeaMan’s Guide”. Once I obtained that, I wouldn’t have the need for a Brazilian visa.

2 days ago, I went to apply for the guide in the crew office, and I was told that I was way overdue for the application process, 2 weeks, to be exact. So, I needed to apply for a Brazilian visa, as a passenger. The problem was that I was that there was no Brazilian Embassy in Barcelona or Gibraltar (the last two known choices.

At this point, the administration on the ship gave up, and Practica (the accommodations manager) told me that I would be disembarked in Dakar, Senegal, where I would have to find my own way home (ANY flight out costs over $1000). (NOTE: For those of you who don’t know, Dakar is no place you want to be abandoned in, much less, take flights out.)

At this point, I began to lose hope. I was halfway around the world in a strange and dangerous city, with no money, nobody to help, and no way to call home. I was in an emotional wreck.

Yesterday morning, I was taking some reports to the Purser’s Desk, and I ran into Kelly, as she was just getting off of work. She noticed that I was very much in a state of distress. I got to explain the entire situation, and that I had to disembark the ship in Dakar on December 1^st.

She asked me who was helping me to try and find an alternative. When she realized that I was on my own, and that I was in dire need of help, she grabbed my hand and led me to the back office to lookup possible locations of an embassy at any of our destinations. There was no embassy close by, but when she widened the search, we found a single Brazilian Consulate in Rabat, Morocco (about 100km from Casablanca). We found the consulate’s contact information and then used an internet-based phone to make several calls to find out how to apply for a visa on such short notice (which was lucky, since most internet phone services are blocked on the ship).

Thanks to Kelly and her native-Portuguese tongue, she was able to gather all the information necessary to take care of everything, with time to spare. She found the embassy address, their operating hours, the necessary documents, the currency exchange rate, and even the available modes of transportation (two cab services and one train ride).

We then let the onboard Practica know about our findings (it was actually part of HIS job to make the arrangements, not Kelly). As I was gathering my documentation, we found out that there are actually seven more people, all in the same boat (haha, I love a good double-entendre). Nicolas passed on the information to the other entertainers, who had previously begun packing to disembark the ship.

Big day tomorrow!

So, what EXACTLY do you do, Scott?

2008-11-25T17:06:00.001-05:00

As many of you know, I don’t work directly for Princess Cruises. I’m subcontracted through SixthStar Marketing and Entertainment in Ft. Lauderdale. The funny thing about it all is that MY boss is in Pennsylvania, and MY BOSS’S BOSS is in Ft. Lauderdale. And I’ve never seen either one of them.

I am considered a Guest Lecturer on the Grand Princess. This gives me a dual-status as a passenger/crew member hybrid. I share a passenger cabin with Trevor, the Internet Café Manager, who also has the same status. I don’t have any crew duties or emergency responsibilities.

Since I’m the only person on the ship in my department (Computers@Sea), that makes me a two-stripe officer, outranking even the Pursers at the front desk. I have full responsibility over my company’s revenue. When it comes down to refunds and revenue management, even the First Purser or any of the other officers are allowed to authorize refunds.

In my job, I teach computer classes to passengers, and provide private lessons to people that have special class needs (anything that’s not in the curriculum). The REALLY great thing about my job is that I only work on Sea Days (full days at sea). On my first cruise, I only had one sea day out of 12 days. The next cruise had 2 sea days, and the last one had 4 days. Now the excitement starts with this cruise. I’ve got 12 sea days on this 22-day cruise. On the average sea day, I teach 6 classes minimum, about 50 minutes each.

Now, before you tell me I don’t do squat, let me tell you this….you’re just about right. ;o) Haha, just kidding. Yes, it’s a great opportunity, but I still have the obligation to teach private lessons on EVERY DAY.

When I’m not putting together new curriculum, or filling out reports for the previous cruise, or planning the schedule for the next cruise, I’m usually at my desk in the Internet Café, answering questions about my classes and helping out people having technical difficulties with logging on to the Internet.

I don’t really have any obligation to help Trevor out with the Internet Café, but I figure, as long as I keep on getting free Internet usage from him, then I don’t complain about all the Internet-related questions that I have to answer.

Yes, there are many passengers that try my patience, but it’s all good. Most of them are quite pleasant, until they start asking me questions that could’ve been answered by reading all the signs in the Internet Café. I’m very surprised at how accepting people are of me, and how willing they are to take my classes. I had my doubts, since I AM about 1/3rd the age of most of my students.

When I’m not doing all that junk, I’m usually hanging out onland at cool destinations like Livorno, Monte Carlo, Naples, Venice, Florence, Civitavecchia, Mykonos, Santorini, Istanbul, Athens, Dubrovnik, Corfu, Katakolon….just to name a few.

The Aftermath...

2008-11-22T06:17:00.002-05:00

I had the chance to speak to an Officer from the Bridge at lunch today. Many people had been concerned that we actually hit something last night, since the shock of the impact had rippled through the entire ship.

We didn’t hit anything last night, but the Grand Princess had risen so high out of the water that when it hit the water, the force was so great that something had to give (and we all know that water isn’t compressible). The unofficial word is that Grand Princess sustained some fairly substantial hull damage. I tried to go out on the dock and get a good look at it (and a picture, of course), but they barricaded off the front of the ship.