Happy 'Ween, Everybloody!
Normally, I'd think to save this post to tell you all the hilarious things that happened at the "Wacky Wexel 'Ween" party I went to last night, but some other things happened that night that I feel might be more enjoyable to tell you. But first....
....THIS is my costume! "The Shadow of Myself".
And nope, it's not paint. It's Spandex. Full-body Spandex. Which makes this story all the more enjoyable to tell you. Since the only detachable portion of my costume is the facemask. You'll find out why very soon.
So, putting on the my costume took a little more effort than I had thought it would. Kinda like putting on a full-body sock. In any case, thank goodness that my costume didn't have any "toes", just footies.
Next, I carefully placed all of my fingers into the left "glove" of the suit. Now, for those of you who haven't had first-hand experience with Spandex, there is one thing you need to know... Spandex is slippery. So what was the first problem I noticed? Pulling on the RIGHT-hand "glove"! (Of course, I guess, no matter what your gloves are made of, pulling on the second one is always harder).
Now comes the tricky part. The zipper. (Anyone who's worn a dress probably knows what I'm talking about already). The zipper started at the small of my back and went all the way to the nape of my neck. If I hadn't been just barely limber enough, i don't know what I would've done. In my mind's eye, I could just imagine myself walking over to my neighbor next door, and showing up half-naked and half-clad in Spandex, asking them to help me zip myself up.
Getting the rest of my clothes on wasn't too much of a hassle, and I gathered up my things and headed out the door. Fumbling with the keys, I finally pull out of the garage.
Next dilemma: I can't hold on to the steering wheel! Mind you, I've basically got on a single-piece bodysuit with non-removable Spandex gloves! And it's VERY hard to turn the steering wheel since I've got nearly no grip whatsoever! Well, thank the Lord for engineering ingenuity and spokes on a steering wheel, because that's the only way I would've been able to get out of the driveway without mowing down a tree.
Once I had completely re-learned driving with the steering wheel spokes, I thought it appropriate to find out from the party hosts if I needed to bring any food or [non-alcoholic] drinks for the party. As it turns out, they DID need a few extra 2-liter drinks for the party, so I took a pit-stop at Kroger.
Right about the time that I walked through the automatic doors, I was feeling extremely grateful that I had opted for the suit with a removable hood, otherwise, I might've attracted just a little more attention and strange looks than I already did.
It had been a while since I had been in Kroger, and it seemed that they decided to rearrange the entire store since I was last there, so I walked through nearly every aisle trying to figure out where the soft drinks were relocated to. After a few minutes, and half-a-dozen stares from worried mothers and their curious children, I finally found what I was looking for. Picking a cream soda and a raspberry ginger-ale from the top shelf, I nearly dropped them on my head as they both slipped out of my Spandex-coated grip and bounced in the aisle. Sheepishly, I picked them up and made my way to the registers.
As usual, I went to the self-checkout to make my purchase. after scanning and bagging my items, I fished out my wallet. "Please scan your Kroger Plus card now!" says the un-necessarily sedate female computer voice.
I fumbled with my wallet, digging for my card, which was peeking out right from right behind my expired health insurance card. I first tried bending my wallet, then poking at it with my pinky finger, and even biting the card to get it out. No luck.
I looked over at the guy behind the register. "Can you please help me?" I asked, just a little exasperated. The underpaid employee gave me a weird look, but came over anyways.
"Um, I can't grab my Kroger Plus card or my money." I said, sheepishly holding up my gloved hands. He gave me the "Take your gloves off, you idiot" look. "I can't take them off," I finally explained, "it's attached to the bodysuit."
So I can't take them off unless I get undressed! I thought to myself.
"Oh, um...okay." the kid says, doing a double-take at my Spandex-clad hands, then taking the wallet out of my useless hands. Scanning the Kroger Card, he stuffs it clumsily back into the wallet.
"Please select your method of payment!" says the autonomous female computer voice.
"Use the cash." I nod at the neatly tucked bills in the back of the wallet.
"Please insert coins into the coin acceptor, THEN insert bills into the bill acceptor!" says the voice. The kid feeds the bills with unbelievable efficiency, one after another, unlike so many other shoppers that get the bill acceptor jammed with their ignorance.
"Here you go." says the kid neutrally, handing me back my change, my receipt, and finally my wallet.
"Thank you for shopping at Kroger!" chimes the voice.
So, I know that I've been pretty inconsistent with my blogging lately, so I've devised a new form of content for your entertainment! 
