Stream of Unconsciousness...

Jessica, Kelly, and I had just gotten finished with some late-night pizza (we both get done with work about the same time). As we were heading back towards the elevators from the top deck, we were befuddled when we heard a cricket chirping. How the heck did a cricket manage to get onboard?

We followed the sound and tracked it down to a Foster’s beer can that someone had carelessly discarded near a deck drain. The cricket was INSIDE the beer can, apparently having a great deal to sing about.

CABIN STEWARDS

Kanit – Cabin Steward (Philippines) – Kanit is the first of the Princess Staff that I had a chance to meet. I was cheerfully greeted in the hallway on my way to my cabin. He was my cabin steward for my first four cruises, and he never missed a beat. He always had the beds made, the laundry delivered and returned, the shampoo and soap stocked, and everything neat and tidy. He even remembered which kind of chocolate I preferred after turning down my bed. It wasn’t 30 seconds from when I paged him that he showed up at my door, eager to help. He has a wife and 3 kids at home in the Philippines.

Dumitri – Cabin Steward (Ukraine) - Dumitri is my new cabin steward for the remainder of the cruise. He’s a little scatterbrained, but VERY helpful. He tries very hard at everything he does, since he just got promoted from a pool-boy position.

OFFICER’S MESS WAIT STAFF

Andrew – Head of Officer Wait Staff (England) - This tall, lanky fellow is currently the supervisor of the Staff Mess, the Crew Mess, and the Officer’s Mess. He has been working for cruise liners for the last 10 years. He’s about 50-ish, and looks an awful lot like Liam Neeson.

Maxium – Officer Wait Staff (Ukraine) – Max has an impeccable memory for my likes and dislikes on the ship’s menu, as well as my dessert preferences.

Valentina – Officer Wait Staff (Ukraine) – Valentina is a very soft-spoken person, who I never even heard speak until my second week onboard. She’s a very private person, but will always greet you with a brilliant smile.

Lilja – Officer Wait Staff (Ukraine) – Lilja is extremely studious and efficient at her job, always clearing the plates as soon as you set down the fork, and being ready with the next course. She looks a LOT like Kirsten Dunst (only a bit shorter).

PURSERS - The front desk, catch-all complaint handlers.

Vanessa – Assistant Purser (South Africa) – Vanessa always makes my day better. She’s a very cheerful, yet very reserved personality. Her English is very proper and always respectful to everyone. She’s has never lost her temper with a passenger (and these passengers can push the limits), and she’s an extremely convicted Christian and firm in her beliefs. She has a wonderful sense of humor and a giddy [yet somehow still proper] laugh. I can always count on her to see the brighter side of things.

Kelly –Assistant Purser (Brazil) – Kelly has been a tremendous help throughout my cruise. She arrived on the ship the same day that I did, and has signed her first six-month contract with Princess (I’m on for three). About 1 week into her job, she realized that she couldn’t handle dealing with the constant abuse from pompous passengers. She’s been managing very well, though, since then, but she’s already decided that this job (and her Hotel Management degree) isn’t the path that she wants for her life. She has a dazzling smile and has a heart of gold for everyone (even the passengers that disrespect her). She’s also responsible for me being able to obtain my Brazilian Visa and keep me from getting booted off the ship, when the rest of the crew administration didn’t care enough to try.

Jessica – Assistant Purser (Argentina) – Jessica is a bucket of laughs. And she always has a smile. She’s very good at her job and very respectful of passengers, while not allowing them to belittle her and the service she provides. I’ll be sad to see her leave, at the end of this cruise.

MUSICIANS

Savu – Musician (Canada) – Savu is actually from Romania. He’s phenomenal with the accordion, and I get to hear him every other night in the Atrium, right outside the Internet Café.

Jojo – (Canada) – this jolly green giant resembles a bouncer and seems intimidating at first, but he’s actually a very friendly and open-minded individual.

OTHER STAFF:

Doc Farouk – Ship Doctor (South Africa) – Doc is a hoot. He’s always got a funny story to tell. He’s not only a great doctor, he’s also a surprisingly astute computer geek. When he’s not working or telling jokes, he’s organizing LAN parties for the crew computer gamers around the ship.

Ana – “I-Scream” Girl (Unknown) – Ana is the ice cream girl that’s always on the upper deck, running the ice cream counter and making popcorn for the Movie Under The Stars. She’s pretty much behind that counter all day long. I don’t know much about her, but she always greets me with a friendly wave and a big smile.

Daniela – Wait Staff (Croatia) - Daniela and I met offshore in Dubrovnik, Croatia. She was part of the wait staff for the ship. Strangely enough, she’s actually from Croatia. When we arrived in Dubrovnik, she gave me a tour of the old town area and told me all the great places to see. She just recently left the ship and went home to her fiancée, and is soon to be married.

Tonight, I ordered the 12oz sirloin steak in the Officer’s Mess. I ordered the steak done medium, but they didn’t do a great job. I tried cutting through the steak with the blunt butter knife that they give us. With a shriek, the steak jumped off the plate and nearly ate ME for dinner. The steak nearly landed in my lap, but didn’t manage to miss my brand new H&M shirt.

With grease splattered down my shirt, I made my way into the kitchen to wash it out. I decided not to waste my time, and I pulled off my shirt and ran down to the laundry on deck 2 and had it washed immediately (“You took off your shirt???”). I tried to ignore the stares as I headed back to my cabin (“Did you have another shirt on underneath?”). As I got back to my stateroom, I took a quick shower and changed into a new shirt. ("TELL ME!!!")

When I got back to the Officer’s Mess, Andrew asked if I wanted another steak.

“Sure, if you can pick a slightly less aggressive piece.”

“You know what, Andrew? I’ll have the Veal Cordon-Bleu. Don’t bother with the steak.” I wasn’t taking any chances.

He had the meal out in record time and placed it in front of me. “This good?” he asked.

I took a fork and stabbed the veal, leaving the fork sticking straight up. I waited a second before answering, “Yeah, it’s good. Thanks, Andrew.”

(They tell me that it was MYSELF that shrieked, and that I threw the steak, but I already told my story, and I think my version is better.)

Today was pretty wild. I left the ship at 8am and caught at cab from the port to the train station (the taxi service gouged us for $30 for a 7-minute ride). Once we got to the train station, we changed money and paid 8 bucks a person for a two-way first-class ticket. The train took us 1 hour to travel 100km from Casablanca to Rabat. When we got to Rabat, we took a $3 ride in the Petit Taxi (which was a ironically a four-seat FIAT Uno hatchback) to the Brazilian Consulate (15 minutes away).

When we got to the consulate, they were surprised that there were 8 people, as they only expected to see three of us. For this, they needed more documentation that we didn’t have.

We tried to contact the ship via cell phone, but none of us knew the country code. We tried asking the consulate staff, but they didn’t understand the question. (TECHIE NOTE!) Finally, I was able to pull the country code from a VOIP phone application (Internet phone) that I had previously been running in Windows XP under a Virtual Machine on my MacBook. Fortunately, I had a screenshot of the VOIP phone number, as the application crashed as soon as I resumed the VM.

We finally got in contact the port agent, who ran his cell phone to the First Purser. One Captain’s signature and a two-hour drive later, someone from the ship arrived with the necessary information. It then took a couple hours to process all of our passports. Only one of us failed to obtain a visa. The Brazilian. We arrived back in the Casablanca train station at 6:45pm. We were worried that we were going to get gypped by the taxi drivers again, since they knew we were in a rush. The three cabbies talked with each other and settled for 5 bucks per cab. We piled into the cars and the taxi peeled out of the taxi stand…

…then just as quickly got stuck in some traffic. The cabbie made some close calls in traffic and cut several people off, then pulled a detour and roared toward the port. After passing a security checkpoint, we blew a tire, and our little blue FIAT Uno limped the rest of the way into the docking area.

With our stamped passports held proudly, we finally boarded the Grand Princess at 6:55pm (ship was leaving at 7)!

Here’s an update on the standing of my visa situation

As you might know, I’ve had a “little” problem with my Brazilian visa. More specifically, I don’t HAVE a Brazilian visa. The Grand Princess is arriving to Fortalezza on December the 5^th. About 3 days ago, I received word that I needed to be moved to the crew list (I’m considered a passenger, normally). For that, I needed to apply for a manual called the “SeaMan’s Guide”. Once I obtained that, I wouldn’t have the need for a Brazilian visa.

2 days ago, I went to apply for the guide in the crew office, and I was told that I was way overdue for the application process, 2 weeks, to be exact. So, I needed to apply for a Brazilian visa, as a passenger. The problem was that I was that there was no Brazilian Embassy in Barcelona or Gibraltar (the last two known choices.

At this point, the administration on the ship gave up, and Practica (the accommodations manager) told me that I would be disembarked in Dakar, Senegal, where I would have to find my own way home (ANY flight out costs over $1000). (NOTE: For those of you who don’t know, Dakar is no place you want to be abandoned in, much less, take flights out.)

At this point, I began to lose hope. I was halfway around the world in a strange and dangerous city, with no money, nobody to help, and no way to call home. I was in an emotional wreck.

Yesterday morning, I was taking some reports to the Purser’s Desk, and I ran into Kelly, as she was just getting off of work. She noticed that I was very much in a state of distress. I got to explain the entire situation, and that I had to disembark the ship in Dakar on December 1^st.

She asked me who was helping me to try and find an alternative. When she realized that I was on my own, and that I was in dire need of help, she grabbed my hand and led me to the back office to lookup possible locations of an embassy at any of our destinations. There was no embassy close by, but when she widened the search, we found a single Brazilian Consulate in Rabat, Morocco (about 100km from Casablanca). We found the consulate’s contact information and then used an internet-based phone to make several calls to find out how to apply for a visa on such short notice (which was lucky, since most internet phone services are blocked on the ship).

Thanks to Kelly and her native-Portuguese tongue, she was able to gather all the information necessary to take care of everything, with time to spare. She found the embassy address, their operating hours, the necessary documents, the currency exchange rate, and even the available modes of transportation (two cab services and one train ride).

We then let the onboard Practica know about our findings (it was actually part of HIS job to make the arrangements, not Kelly). As I was gathering my documentation, we found out that there are actually seven more people, all in the same boat (haha, I love a good double-entendre). Nicolas passed on the information to the other entertainers, who had previously begun packing to disembark the ship.

Big day tomorrow!

As many of you know, I don’t work directly for Princess Cruises. I’m subcontracted through SixthStar Marketing and Entertainment in Ft. Lauderdale. The funny thing about it all is that MY boss is in Pennsylvania, and MY BOSS’S BOSS is in Ft. Lauderdale. And I’ve never seen either one of them.

I am considered a Guest Lecturer on the Grand Princess. This gives me a dual-status as a passenger/crew member hybrid. I share a passenger cabin with Trevor, the Internet Café Manager, who also has the same status. I don’t have any crew duties or emergency responsibilities.

Since I’m the only person on the ship in my department (Computers@Sea), that makes me a two-stripe officer, outranking even the Pursers at the front desk. I have full responsibility over my company’s revenue. When it comes down to refunds and revenue management, even the First Purser or any of the other officers are allowed to authorize refunds.

In my job, I teach computer classes to passengers, and provide private lessons to people that have special class needs (anything that’s not in the curriculum). The REALLY great thing about my job is that I only work on Sea Days (full days at sea). On my first cruise, I only had one sea day out of 12 days. The next cruise had 2 sea days, and the last one had 4 days. Now the excitement starts with this cruise. I’ve got 12 sea days on this 22-day cruise. On the average sea day, I teach 6 classes minimum, about 50 minutes each.

Now, before you tell me I don’t do squat, let me tell you this….you’re just about right. ;o) Haha, just kidding. Yes, it’s a great opportunity, but I still have the obligation to teach private lessons on EVERY DAY.

When I’m not putting together new curriculum, or filling out reports for the previous cruise, or planning the schedule for the next cruise, I’m usually at my desk in the Internet Café, answering questions about my classes and helping out people having technical difficulties with logging on to the Internet.

I don’t really have any obligation to help Trevor out with the Internet Café, but I figure, as long as I keep on getting free Internet usage from him, then I don’t complain about all the Internet-related questions that I have to answer.

Yes, there are many passengers that try my patience, but it’s all good. Most of them are quite pleasant, until they start asking me questions that could’ve been answered by reading all the signs in the Internet Café. I’m very surprised at how accepting people are of me, and how willing they are to take my classes. I had my doubts, since I AM about 1/3rd the age of most of my students.

When I’m not doing all that junk, I’m usually hanging out onland at cool destinations like Livorno, Monte Carlo, Naples, Venice, Florence, Civitavecchia, Mykonos, Santorini, Istanbul, Athens, Dubrovnik, Corfu, Katakolon….just to name a few.

I had the chance to speak to an Officer from the Bridge at lunch today. Many people had been concerned that we actually hit something last night, since the shock of the impact had rippled through the entire ship.

We didn’t hit anything last night, but the Grand Princess had risen so high out of the water that when it hit the water, the force was so great that something had to give (and we all know that water isn’t compressible). The unofficial word is that Grand Princess sustained some fairly substantial hull damage. I tried to go out on the dock and get a good look at it (and a picture, of course), but they barricaded off the front of the ship.

My Poseidon Adventure (Rated PG for “colorful” descriptions)

So, I think I once mentioned that I enjoyed feeling every rise and dip of the hull (I’m in the very front of the ship. I think I’ll revise that statement now.

Last night, we were experiencing rough seas, and the ship was pitching and rolling a lot more than usual. The massive 109,000-ton ship was torquing back and forth, and you could hear several points in the ship start creaking under the stress. I noticed a drip in the ceiling by the art gallery, and thought nothing of it. Condensation from the A/C, probably. Not much later, I heard the trickle turn into a waterfall. A pipe in the ceiling had broken under the constant flexing of the ship. The maintenance crew rushed in with buckets, towels, and a wet-vac and began cleaning up the mess. As I passed by them, I commented to one of the guys, “At least it’s not waste-water, right?” He chuckled and replied, “It’s not the waste-water that would bother us. We only get concerned when the water starts coming up through the floor.”

Many people on the ship were feeling a little green, including myself, so I left the Internet Café early, at 7pm. As I went back to my room, I began feeling worse. Of course, “lucky” for me, I reside in the forward passenger quarters, right in the very front of the ship. (You feel the majority of the ship’s motion in three places, the bow, the stern, and the upper decks). I was stumbling down the hallway like a drunk, clutching my stomach as I headed to my cabin.

I clumsily waltzed into the cabin, to find that Trevor had been self-subdued before I had. From the state of the items on the nightstand, I could see that he was pretty doped-up on Dramamine, and curled up on the bed in the fetal position. I reached into the bathroom, lifted the toilet seat, and left the light on. Then I grabbed the trashcan and a courtesy barf-bag and sat them on the floor between Trevor’s bed and my own (I didn’t want to take any chances), turned off the lights, then I carefully lay myself down on the bed, not wanting to upset my stomach any more. Trevor rolled over and picked up the bottle of Dramamine and tossed it over to me. I thanked him, but I had been hoping to head back to the Internet Café later that night, and if I took it, I’d probably be out the entire night.

Well, much good that did. I was out anyways. I half woke up at about 10:30 because the waves were pounding on the hull of the Grand [Princess]. My stomach still hadn’t quite settled yet, and I had cottonmouth, so I figured that I’d get up and brush my teeth and go back to bed for the night.

For an instant, I felt as if I was in a brief free-fall as the bow dipped a lot more than usual. A violent wave slammed against the hull. The old Grand shuddered violently. As the hull pitched up and down, things flew off the nightstand and out of the shelves in the bathroom. Right then, my stomach started climbing back up my throat.

I raced to the bathroom, forgetting the pail was at my feet, and puked. Three times.

Then the lights went out. Overcome by the smell of my lunch from 5 hours ago, I stayed where I was, in complete darkness for over a minute. When the lights came back on, I realized that I didn’t quite hit the mark I intended. It was like someone had just painted the bathroom a lovely shade of…well…the shade of my lunch.

After I cleaned up my mess, I sheepishly stepped out of the bathroom. “Trevor,” I said. “You might want a new hairbrush.”

Trevor just grinned. “Was that as fun for you as it was for me?”

Yesterday, I didn’t get the chance to go to Giza to see the pyramids. This made me very unhappy. I’ve travelled all the way to Egypt, and I didn’t get a chance to see the pyramids, because the tours all got filled up 4 days before arriving at the port.

Last night, I heard a knock on my cabin door. It was three girls from the adjacent cabin were outside. They had been strongly discouraged by their cabin steward from going ashore without a male escort. They asked if I was going ashore in Alexandria. I didn’t have plans to, as I had new classes to prepare for. With my present workload, I was unable to oblige. They apologized, not realizing that I was part of the crew (since I’m in a passenger cabin).

I generally make it a point to try and get to know the neighbors of my surrounding cabins, since I so often run into them from time to time. We had some pleasant conversation, and I found out that they were all Chinese, two from Canada, and one from the China mainland. I told them I’d let them know if I decided to go, but at the present time, I was unable to do so.

Not an hour later, I ran into them in the Internet Café. And they had decided that they were going to stay on the ship, even if they did manage to find an escort. They had spoken with one of the wait staff, and they had been told that, even with an escort, women would still get harassed. In Egyptian culture, all married women (and most unmarried women) are completely covered from head to toe, as to ward off the stares of any other men. When Egyptian men DO see outsiders from other cultures (who are not at ALL as covered as Egyptian women), they tend to take “notice” (a HUGE understatement).

Trevor’s Bad Business Joke of the Day:

Q: How did they get the Egyptian slaves to build the pyramids?

A: They used a pyramid scheme.

Tonight, Vanessa (South Africa), Kelly (Brazil), Jessica (Argentina) and I all went to see the Crew Talent show. Needless to say, it was quite a sight. The show was preceded with the crew throwing out several hundred balloons into the Princess Theatre. You’ve never seen so many “senior-grade” people acting like kindergarteners. This little old lady in the row in front of me got a little excited when she caught a balloon, and promptly hit the first person she saw…me.

“Ladies and gentlemen! At this time, we would like to remind you that there are to be no open drinks, food, or balloons in the Princess Theatre.” We got a few laughs out of that. This just happened to be a bad time that Kelly was trying to explain…something important, I think… to me, and she was getting frustrated that I wasn’t paying attention. She elbowed me, “SCOTT! LISTEN TO MEEE!!!!”

Um, I’m sorry. I even get distracted by playing with a Crayola® box with 128 colors and a sharpener in the back (guess why it’s half-empty). There are now hundreds of shiny, colorful, inflated pieces of latex flying about the room, and a short Asian grandma in front of me getting her satisfaction by giving me a taste of what she had to endure as a grandparent. And I’m ADHD. You do the math. SENSORY OVERLOAD.

“And now, Ladies and Gentlemen, we’d like to inform you that there is a fifty dollar bill in one of the balloons.” I feel bad. Kelly doesn’t have a chance now. So I just do what I do best, and I rub a balloon in her hair.

NEW PICTURES COMING SOON! I PROMISE!

Today, we docked in Istanbul. One of the greatest things to do in Istanbul is to peruse the shops in the Grand Bazaar. I really don’t like open markets and such, mainly because I don’t have the bargaining skills.

“Forty-five euro!” they say. I usually end up getting nervous, forgetting that I’m the buyer instead of the seller. “Fifty-five! That’s my final offer!” I say.

“Fifty-five! Done!” says the eager vendor, smiling because I foolishly outsmarted myself.

“DOH!”

It’s not unusual to be greeted by shopkeeper in English. Usually with no more than “Hallo, Sir! Good price!” But as I was walking by one particular clothing vendor, I was greeted with a very coarse “Ni hao ma! Ni hao ma!” That was just a little funny for me, especially since I don’t speak a lick of Chinese.

Some of these vendors are very persistent (and in their persistence, sometimes very stupid). I see them step in the way of the tourist, eagerly shaking the item in their face, “FORTY EURO!” and even turn and follow them, shouting, “Thirty euro! Twenty-five! Twenty! FIFTEEN!” Within a matter of 8 paces, the price just dropped by more than half!

Some vendors are a little more desperate than others. I actually saw one particular tourist get pulled into a store by a persistent salesman.

Well, today, I got a real cell phone (one that works on the ship)! Now, this one is an international number (and I’ll still receive calls on my Atlanta Skype number), but it’s 011-882-32-6004933, if you don’t mind making an international call. (EDIT: I don't have this number anymore)

While I was out looking for a cell, I wandered into this one “hole-in-the-wall” shop that was no larger than about two square meters I inquired about phones that worked internationally (I still want the phone to work when I head to the Caribbean), and the first thing I was offered was an iPhone! If you didn’t know, iPhones are MUCH more expensive outside the USA, ESPECIALLY if you don’t want to buy a plan (anywhere from $700 to $1100).

Anyways, I opted for the $40 Nokia 1200 (my first flashlight phone ever! haha) without a plan. I’m get my service through the ship’s satellite network, and at the crew rate, it’s pretty decently cheap.

NEW PICTURES COMING SOON!

A man and his wife were walking out of the Internet Café. The wife says, “Honey, look at those gorgeous pictures!” pointing to my pictures displaying on the Plasma TV behind me.

He smirked and said, “Eh, I can make photos just like that on Photoshop, too.”

Little does he know…I don’t Photoshop my pictures.

Trevor and I ate with Kelly and Vanessa (two of the pursers) tonight. We had some great, late night conversation over an elegant pizza dinner. Kelly (who is as new to the cruise business as I am) shared that she was planning on showing us around, when we get to Brazil (that’s where she’s from). She’s already planned a great shopping excursion, and I think that Trevor is going to chicken-out on us. (You KNOW I like to shop).

So, “bad news” for the day…as it turns out, we’re not going to be able to wet dock in Ft. Lauderdale. We’re actually going to be DRY-docking in the Bahamas. I’m not complaining, but Trevor was hoping to go to Canada during the week in wet dock.

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We had been talking about all the breathtaking opportunities that we’ve had while aboard the ship (I had mentioned about the awesome view that I had off the stern of the ship, late at night. Kelly took it upon herself to top that. She took me through the narrow crew hallway, winding through the tight passages, and through a heavy outer door, out onto the deck….RIGHT ON THE BOW OF THE SHIP! This was the view that she has just a few steps down from her room! It was late at night, and all the lights on the bow of the ship were off, but the entire deck was awash with the brilliant, blue light of the full moon in the sparsely clouded sky.

No engine noise up here. No howling of the ventilation system. Nothing but the gentle breeze over the front of the ship, and the churning sound of the water being overturned beneath the hull…

God, you’ve done it again. You’ve amazed me with your glory and your creation in its purest form. What I used to see as the simplest things of life, I am finally able to enjoy without the distractions of daily life. Without the traffic. Without the lights. Without the ringing phone. Without Twitter. Without the insistent ping of new e-mails. Without the “boo-da-loop!” of instant messaging. Without social networks.

Nothing but God out here.

Redeemer - By Nicole C. Mullen

Who taught the sun where to stand in the morning?
And Who told the ocean you can only come this far?
And Who showed the moon where to hide 'til evening?
Whose words alone can catch a falling star?
All of creation testifies
This life within me cries
I know my Redeemer lives

The very same God that spins things in orbit
Runs to the weary, the worn and the weak
And the same gentle hands that hold me when I'm broken
They conquered death to bring me victory

To take away my shame
And He lives forever, I'll proclaim
That the payment for my sin
Was the precious life He gave
But now He's alive and
There's an empty grave

And I know my Redeemer lives
I know my Redeemer lives
Let all creation testify
Let this life within me cry...

I know my Redeemer lives....

I’ve never seen so many Asians that don’t know how to use a computer, yet they come into the Internet Café, asking how to send an e-mail (and sometimes, how to use a mouse).

The English chap with big ol’ eyebrows: This towering gentleman came to me with a digital camera conundrum, but for the life of me, I can’t remember what it was about. I swear, he had huge tufts of hair coming out from places I didn’t know hair grew. If you could get over the “British Old-man Spice” stench, you could braid the hair from his ears and nose [together].

We’re starting to get younger and younger crowds in the Internet Café. Despite the fact that I’m answering less questions about using the computer, I’m answering MORE questions and brushing off MORE complaints on how slow the Internet is. And how EXPENSIVE the Internet is. And then they continue to purchase more minutes because they can’t stay away from the web.

Today, we finally got to dock in Mykonos (previously, the water was a little too choppy to safely dock a ship weighing 109,000 tonnes) and I wanted to go see the island, but there were no other transport options besides the tour bus or renting an ATV or scooter (I’m sticking by my word that I’ll never participate in a tour). So, naturally, no guy wants to be caught dead on a scooter (I’d much rather die in a freakin’ sweet ATV accident), so I rented an ATV from Hercules Scooter and Moto. Trevor was broke (and he forgot his camera), so I let him ride along.

I drove over 60 kilometers around Mykonos, with Trevor riding on the back, with my camera around his neck. I had the MacBook lashed to the back support rack on the ATV, with the strap of my laptop bag. I had this figured out. If it DID manage to slip loose, the strap would actually tighten, and it would just dangle behind the ATV, about a foot off the ground. No harm done.

I wanted to get some pictures from the highest point on Mykonos, the problem was that our seriously underpowered ATV wouldn’t carry BOTH of us up there…so, I threw off Trevor, and made him walk the rest of the way up. Just KIDDING. I simply told him to get off, and that I’d be back down shortly, after I got my pictures.

So I zipped my way up the 40-degree incline at a speedy 6 kilometers per hour (that’s pretty much “0” MPH, for those of you who didn’t bother making the conversion), and I nearly got to the top before I ran out of road. So I got off, only to find that Trevor still had my camera. Lucky me, I brought my little wallet-sized Canon PowerShot (I have a big wallet).

Satisfied with my results, I started making my way back down the slope. The thing was, the engine noise was struggling just as hard on the way down as it was on the way up! At least, that’s what it sounded like…..but I wasn’t pushing the gas.

My eyes got wide, and I looked back to find that my laptop case was no longer lashed to the rack. Well, it was still lashed, but it had dangled over the back on the way uphill, and then decided to hitch a ride up into the wheel-well on my way back down! My laptop bag (and probably my laptop, too) was being ground to bits in the fender. I skidded to a halt, jumped off, and tried to dislodge my bag.

When I finally DID get it out, the bag was bent vertically down the middle. CRAP. Did I just snap my MacBook in half??? I cringed as I opened up the bag (which was worn nearly all the way through the front) and, to my relief, was surprised to find that my MacBook had shifted; it was sitting vertically in my bag, and was unscathed and very much still in one piece.

New Photos Coming Soon on Flickr!

Wow, never have I seen so many needy passengers. Trevor can testify to that. Even HE noticed that this load of passengers, which we picked up in Venice, seem particularly helpless without someone “holding their hand across the street.”

Since I work in the Internet Café, I don’t only deal with my class students, but also with Internet Café users. We thought that 5 desktop signs would be enough to explain the whole internet login process.

Sign 1: Explains the login process

Sign 2: Explains the internet minute package prices, including pay-per-minute

Sign 3: Explains the internet benefits for Platinum and Elite cruise passengers

Sign 4: Lists the working hours of the Internet Café manager

INTERNET CAFÉ FAQs:

Q1: How do I login? Do I have to sign up somewhere?

A1: See sign number 1

Q2: How much does it cost to use the internet? What if I don’t want to purchase a package?

A2: See sign number 2

Q3: I’m a Platinum/Elite passenger. I think I get free internet usage. How do I get that?

A3: See sign number 3

Q4: Where is the internet café manager? He’s not at his desk.

A4: See sign numbe……you know what? Just go away. Go. Now.

The problem is this: The passengers of $2500 cruises are ILLITERATE.

My Flickr Photostream

It’s bizarre to me, how many people don’t understand the reasons for the seemingly high costs of onboard satellite Internet usage. For those of you who don’t understand, here it is:

-Satellite Internet connections are SLOW – this is not your quick and snappy 6-Megabit cable connection at home. Even simple things like e-mail are going to take CONSIDERABLY longer than you’re used to. Don’t ask for a refund when you waste 45 minutes figuring out that you can’t upload a whole batch of your cruise photos to your blog. Consider yourself lucky when you get even 0.3 Megabits. The kids in Somalia don’t even get that.

-Satellite connections are UNRELIABLE. Even a cloud passing overhead can disrupt your already-lousy connection. Don’t ask for a refund

-Satellite Internet is paid by the minute…for EVERYONE that benefits from it, not just cruise passengers. The cost involves the leasing a NASA SPACE SATELLITE!

-Internet Café computers are for INTERNET USAGE. You can’t view your pictures. You can’t type Word documents.

Here’s the GIST:

1. You complain about not having enough tax-cuts. The government appeases you.

2. They limit NASA funding.

3. NASA doesn’t have enough money to send up enough satellites.

4. NASA satellites are working overtime, not enough bandwidth for everyone.

5. NASA charges more to satellite internet providers for the privilege of priority internet connections.

6. The internet providers charge your cruise liner more.

7. Your cruise liner charges YOU more.

The moral of the story: Everybody loses, because you whine about tax-cuts. Have a nice day!

Okay, so you know about that February contract? Apparently, it’s a WORLD CRUISE. The cruises range from 31 TO 45 DAYS LONG and go to places like Brisbane, Iwo Jima, Guam, Sydney, and Bora Bora!

Wow.

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Okay, the magician really wasn’t that great. He has this bad habit about cracking jokes about being lousy at comedy, which probably only further confirms his point. I can’t help that I analyzed his show to pieces, but when you call yourself “Alexander” (I’ll give that a minute for you to figure out why that’s funny), you immediately set the show up for being a surefire disappointment.

In my defense, I wasn’t the only person disappointed. People must’ve thought the doors were locked, because they all groaned throughout all of his jokes, but didn’t bother to leave. A few passengers laughed, albeit the laughs were a little too forced. Maybe that was to fool the stewards into thinking they enjoyed the show, so they’d unlock the doors.